Author: robpatey



What is Oldtron Podcast? Comic books, comedy…ish…yet another brand for this four year audio adventure across AIN’T IT COOL NEWS, POPTARDS and…that’s it really. We’re good, but not that good. I’m Rob Patey. I’m hosting Mark Miller. We have been known as Optimous Douche and Ambush Bug, but we’re not proud of it. Happy wedding Jadles,  come back soon.


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  2. VALIANT BOOK OF DEATH: HARBINGER (4:30): Joshua Dysart – w, Kano – a
  3. (FUTURE BOOK) JUGHEAD #1 (12:20) Chip Zdarsky – w, Erica Henderson -a
  4. ARCHIE #3 (17:15) Mark Waid – w, Fiona Staples – a
  5. Christmas 1978 with Uncle Drunkell Miller (24:40)
  6. (FUTURE BOOK) GRUMPY CAT #1 (33:35) Ben McCool, Ben Fisher, Royal McGraw, Elliot Serrano – w, Steve Ui, Michelle Nguyen, Ken Haeser, Steve Ui – a
  7. News…ish Alert…ish, Dynamite Gets Feministic…ish (43:37)
  8. JUSTICE LEAGUE #44 (52:10) Geoff Johns – w, Jason Fabok – a

Please share, please hire us, please talk to us or @robpatey or @mark_l_miller.

“Oh, You’re So Pretty” and Other Lessons in Sociological Interactions for Marketing to Capitalize On or Adamantly Avoid!

“Oh, You’re So Pretty” and Other Lessons in Sociological Interactions for Marketing to Capitalize On or Adamantly Avoid!

Marketers if you want to win in social and content marketing I encourage you to get your head out of your laptops and eyes on the world around you.  

Here’s some recent epiphanies:

DIVERGE FROM: “Oh My God, You’re So Pretty!” In Social 

Usually squealed by the clearly two best looking women in the room. It’s a test of the opponents’ equal merit and mettle in Darwinistic Dominance. 

We as marketers live in this same false platitude passiveness with #, favorites and retweets. 

We’re preening one another ti test and if dominance demands it copy and feed off one another. 

We are so transfixed by preening, the market fades away to the backdrop softly saying “screw you guys and goes we’re going to another home for info not # parity.” 
DIVE INTO: Being the Duckey of Content 

Every sociological construct these days has a Duckey. This is in reference to the irreverent yet wisely observational and instantly witty  character played by Jon Cryer in The 80s Classic,  “Pretty in Pink.”

Quick, name another character as fast the Duck Man if you’re a child of the Hughes cinematic era of Film.

Anywhere and everywhere, the freak off the leash turns heads and burns the most indelible impression. 

Is your content Duckey, or Blllllaine?  In a commodity market, you better don a shark skin jacket. 

DIVERGE FROM: Telling customers they are so beautiful they’ve been running through your CRM alllll day. 

Only the most comely of face and innocently dopey can sling a pick up line. 90% of the time, these whimsical words of cut to the chase sound like you will end up eventually stalking the other person.

For those of you slinging emails to your database on mass volume with the same ole’ lines you will only end up going home lonely. Likewise for social. Sling bullshit originally or not at all and quickly start quoting knowledge if you go into this danger zone you sexy product you. Also let your prospects breathe a little from the barrage of your undying affection to reach them. If you have a new line, cool, head in again for the kill.

Anything you have to add Wordies? 

Drats! Been Social Botted Again!

My belief in social media as the great disseminator of enlightened information for the masses is truly becoming overpowered by the relentless pursuit of profiles in search of simply gaining more reach with absolutely nothing to say other than the plea to continue this insipid chain letter to infinity. Jane, get me off this crazy thing if our progeny are simply going to collect other humans online like a Pokemon tournament.

Bots, these people are literally biological bots seeking to ride the coat tails of the exponentially smaller group of true content drivers.

Hey, I’m part of the problem. As a B2B marketer for almost 20 years (zoinks), I was scoffing over hashtagging before Falon and Timberlake. Today though, dark humor amusement has become more bemoaning at the fact our hashes are mastubatory metric blinders. We think our hashtags are wooing buyers, versus the true reality of us all just entertaining the competition. Go ahead right now social media managers and minions: Search a coveted # in your marketing lexicon. 90% is the competition right? That’s why content marketing is now king. You’ll get more brand devotion and conversions by tweeting assets that spark a buyer’s personal interests as well as the business of your digital messaging. We marketers are better than the drones I mentioned above, but lets not have too many delusions of grandeur about our stations being much loftier. Have fun gaming search everyone because we are not gaining brand zealots. 

    Going back to the basic biological bots I mentioned earlier, I’ll say right now that the use of social media measuring tools exponentially increases their desire to be in your network. Careful all. I lead a dual life publishing as much in B2b channels for salary as I do geek culture channels for fun. These dummy profiles are dragging down my relevance appearing before those I truly value seeing my tweets. I gained earnest followers by always linking to more germane content. My trusted views are being hijacked in apperance algorithms by a group seeking to game the system for prominence, profit and often times both.

    I love the potential of social media so much that I am driven to drive away these social barnacles or battle these silent bloated bisons crapping on our golden content fields. Automation will help, but we must exert our our own consumer free will to finally take our short messaging to places where these gadflys can be swatted away or simply can’t find. 

    Weighted content feeds are most welcome, but we must start finding ways to weed out those who are essentially making these helpful algorithims worthless. Don’t follow me. Please! 

    What say you fellow content producers and social socialites? 


    What is Oldtron Podcast? Comic books, comedy…ish, but most importantly it’s a sign of respect. Since the short, but sturdy stick of our usual geeky podcast tripod,  JD, is taking a break I don’t want to sully his poptards brand with my editorial flippancy. If I Rob Patey be behind the editing, OLDTRON PODCAST should bear the shame.

    Yes, this is Spoiler Alert. But worse.





    1. Eeeeeemails (3:19)
    2. MIRACLEMAN BOOK FOUR: THE GOLDEN AGE #1 (15:18) Neil Gaiman – w, Mark Buckingham – a
    3. ALIENS & VAMPIRELLA (21:10) Corinna Bechko – w, Javier Garcia-Miranda -a
    4. MOCKINGBIRD #1 (27:00) Chelsea Cain – w, Joelle Jones – a
    5. TOIL & TROUBLE #1 (32:00) Mairghread Scott – w, Kelly & Nicole Matthews – a
    6. PLUTONA #1 (40:40) Emi Lenox & Jeff Lemire – story, Jeff Lemire – w, Emi Lenox – a
    7. WE STAND ON GUARD #3 (49:35) Brian K. Vaughan – w, Steve Skroce – a

    Please share, please hire us, please talk to us or @robpatey or @mark_l_miller.



    This week, Zentangler and more importantly mom for common sense, Cari Sultanik, #ASKSROB about this war on women of wonder and lunch: 

    WONDER WOMAN LUNCH BOXRob, please help me understand why this Wonder Woman lunchbox has been banned from school because it promotes violence?

    Is the definition of violent characters truly “those who solve problems using violence.” Who else would you suggest this school ban on this child’s lunchbox because they are “violent characters” by their definition?

    Great Question Cari,

    Let’s dissect the facts as reported by my nemesis at Comic Book Resources (I can’t deny it’s a better comic site than the one I write for, so I hate them).

    Revealed on Imgur, a friend’s daughter received a letter from school stating she could no longer bring her Wonder Woman lunchbox to school as it violates the school dress code.

    ROB RESPONSE: I AGREE! Lunch boxes will barely cover your child, and they chafe. No child should EVER wear a lunchbox to school. Isn’t there a charity stopping this act?

    The real rub comes down to what the school defines as “violent characters,” which are “those who solve problems using violence. Super heroes certainly fall into that category.”

    ROB RESPONSE: Oh, so this has nothing to do with modesty and shame and everything to do with schools now acting like Congress with piss poor tangential riders on bills or laws.

    Wonder Woman does use violence to thwart violence. If you are abut to be punched you don’t pull posies out of your pocket (unless you are Zantanna and they have sleep spores in the posies). WE ALL USE VIOLENCE.

    Does this lunchbox promote violence though? No, she’s smiling. This was a time Wonder Woman used smile, guile and pinup good looks to save the day. She also has used intelligence, cunning and quite recently the inbred female trait of hypocrisy to get Clark Kent to do as she says not as she does (it was an argument on whether you put all the toilet paper up or down on building they reconstructed after Parasite attacked).

    Sounds to me like the school board and decision makers:

    A) Get off on the power trip most educators like to have over weak minded children because real adults are too mean to work with HARUMPH!!!

    B) Have a broad goose to gander policy on banning creativity and imagaanitive hope

    C) Never read a fucking comic book in their life and get all of their info from the 700 club.

    Violence simply is. We don’t need to promote it, we just got it as a species. I’ll never condone a picture of someone getting shot on a lunchbox, but a cartoon punch? Yea, I’m ok there. Is it violence? Sure. Is it violent? No. And you are nothing but a politically correct asshole too mired in black and white or yes and no thinking to live in a world I acknowledge. Certainly in charge of civic services.

    Myopic. Stupid. Wrought with policies that trip over one another. Public Education (also most Catholic Schools at this point).

    Sorry kids, we tried.



    That’s’s right kids, another episode of your least favorite moment in audio and comic booking. Email comments and complaints to


    AMBUSH BUG (MARK MILLER) AND I (ROB PATEY a.k.a. OPTIMOUS DOUCHE AIN’T IT COOL NEWS) embark on the following time coded journey.

    • Tweets & FaceBooks of the Week & Mini FABLES Review | 2:00
    • JUSTICE LEAGUE #43 | DC Comics | Geoff Johns, Jason Fabok | 5:25
    • BOOK OF DEATH II #2 | Valiant | Robert Venditti, Robert Gill, Doug Braithwaite | 18:36
    • SECRET WARS BATTLEWORLD: HOUSE OF M #1 | Marvel | Dennis Hopeless, Marco Failla | 29:00
    • SECRET WARS BATTLEWORLD: HOWARD THE HUMAN #1 | Marvel | Scottie Young, Jim Mahfood |36:10
    • Christmas 1983 with Uncle Drunkel Miller | 42:50
    • SECRET WARS BATTLEWORLD: SECRET LOVE #1 | Marvel | Michael Fiffe (I), Felipe Smith (II), Jeremy Whitley, Gurihiru (III), Marguerite Bennett, Kris Anka (IV), Katie Cook (V) | 51:00
    • WELCOME BACK #1 | Boom Studios | Chris Sebela, Jonathan Brandon Sawyer | 1:01:00

    Download to take with you EVERYWHERE!!!!!



    I find cognitive processes fascinating. No place can we see or own rudimentary steps towards making sense of this world than in animals. This is also the place we can mock how incessantly long it takes for things to stick without causing any lasting damage to the sllllooowwww learner’s psyche.

    Here’s my boy Fergus trying to figure out a treat puzzle:

    In video 1, we send our Golden Retriever into the fray without a plan.

    In video 2, I show Fergus how to work this puzzle if he had thumbs.

    In video 3 , Fergus makes the lesson his own.

    Amazing how the impossible becomes easy with a little help and patience.

    Patey’s Content Marketing Tip #1: Content vs. Irate Marketing

    Rob Patey As content marketing continues to give consternation to writers and marketers alike, I’ve been asked to throw down my tips for surviving this collision of historically disparate jobs. Who am I? Rob Patey. I was deemed a nut by IT marketers 15 years ago, even told to go work for Men’s Warehouse writing flyers. Today I am a content marketer, those other folks are selling suits at Men’s Warehouse! Learn, talk, and let’s make it all better! 


    Content Marketing vs. Irate Marketing 

    For my first entry into helping people survive Content marketing is a silly term. I won’t fight the mighty zeitgeist behind it (because I never take on a battle already lost), so I have found my own way of defining this “new” mode of marketing that leaves everyone outside of this profession scratching their heads (from the layman’s view, all of the flyers, brochures, ads, post cards, videos, webinars and podcasts were always viewed as content).

    • Content Marketing: A story, or the preamble to a story that people choose to read.
    • Irate Marketing: Aggressive product pitches foisted upon unsuspecting prospects filled with pablum about your product that is so chest pounded with self-bravado the writer end up with an arrhythmic heartbeat.

    Now, being as much story development as dissemination throughout my career, I fully get that the buying cycle has changed.

    I know well that 80% of Business2Business research is happening before your “account rep” ever talks to the person (the fact I can rattle off 12 excuses by sales on how “crappy” the leads are without even thinking, is a testament to prospect ensnaring prowess).

    I know the prospect funnel has been replaced by the Engagement Web of social channels. I know we need lots of content to fill every nook of YouTube, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Twitter and the like with content.BUT WE ONCE AGAIN ONLY THOUGHT OF OURSELVES IN MARKETING WHEN WE NAMED CONTENT MARKETING!!! This self-pitying naval gazing in nomenclature is what’s filling 99.99% of the business copy I see. Once again, it’s all about us.

    CONTENT MARKETING SHOULD BE A GIFT OF VALUABLE AND ENGAGING INFORMATION! Because prospects can now choose whether or not to give us their time. 

    While CAN-SPAM may feel like a toothless tigers as unsubscribes beget more emails (especially from v1agra offers overseas), but it empowered consumers with the sense of opting-out from all marketing and advertising. Or opting-in to the messages they actually do want to receive.

    Ignoring our messages was an impossibility (or at least very difficult) in the age of billboards and magazines. Even the mundane brochures from back in the early days of B2B marketing had desk jockeys attention bound because they only had only one thing to distract them from their jobs (magazines too, but that didn’t really look like work).

    Opt-in marketing and preference centers aren’t legislatively dictated, but they are certainly best-practice and how every free social microphone operates (with the exception of in-stream ads, but even those are tailored on interest to maximize ROI).

    When crafting verbiage for your market, ask whether you are creating something that people will:

    • Find useful
    • Find interesting
    • Find affects them
    • Come back to keep finding more of later

    Now that we know these fine four fundamentals of what content marketing should be, we can start exploring the other 4,000,000 details.

    Are you being asked to be a content marketer? Need help? Need to vent? Ask or vent vitriol in the comments or via email

    The Declaration of Mobile Independence and Data Bill of Rights

    Originally published by Rob Patey on IBM Securityintelligence.

    Mobile Security Freedom As I was celebrating the birth of America’s freedom this July Fourth, I sparked a firecracker for the fact that I was able to use my tablet to take a meeting in a place where the Fourth of July is just another day of the week.


    I was offered a stay of execution from the team, but an hour of my time was a small sacrifice, especially since the entire event took place on my iPad and mobile phone from my back porch.

    About one-and-a-half scores ago, I remember waving a sparkler at Newark Liberty International Airport as my father headed off to Sweden for a meeting on July 5. The tablet, smartphone and the manifest destiny of last-mile broadband reaching fruition allowed me to turn off Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle” and spend time with my family watching fireworks once the meeting was finished.

    This affordability — having the right device for the job at a time when I need to use it and from wherever I please — wasn’t a freedom simply handed to me. Like any great leap forward in liberation, battles were fought and accords of acceptable use had to be established between employee and employer.

    As I recount some of this ancient mobile history and the hallmarks of security, productivity and mobility that resulted from them, I know some of you are going through these trials and tribulations right now. May you avoid the missteps of the past and join all of us forefathers (and mothers) for the next data deluge on the shores of the Internet of Things (IoT).

    Freedom Is Never Free, Especially in Mobility

    Before anyone can truly decry independence, mobile or otherwise, an upheaval from the status quo is required. An assist from France bolstered America’s liberation, and a few years later, the Bastille was taken by bayonets — not baguettes.

    Since the first smartphone could sync with Active Directory, the already beleaguered IT group from the BlackBerry bonanza of the early 21st century showed rightful resistance to employee presumptions on data access. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The email policy was born, and business leaders furiously rubbed rabbit feet for luck in hopes this would be enough to keep employees secure and satisfied.

    It didn’t work. And today it really doesn’t work, but we’ll get there in a minute.

    Mobile device management (MDM) offered the treatise of device choice balanced with one-window control. MDM became especially vital in the famous battle of bring-your-own-device (BYOD). Without the device and OS agnosticism of MDM and mobile app management (MAM), we might all still be in a state of technological dissemination without user representation.

    Freedom from the confines of the office was finally won with the understanding that privacy can be maintained without completely obfuscating the view of IT. Now, policy can be crafted with a preamble of independence for both sides of technology enablement:

    When in the course of business events, it becomes necessary for the enterprise to act as one people to dissolve inefficiencies that have disconnected them from each other and corporate data, and respect the freedom of choice to work on the equipment deemed best by the workers actually producing the work.

    We hold these truths of mobile productivity to be self-evident, that all devices are created equal, that they are to be enabled by IT with rights to the same data as laptops and desktops and, finally, that usability is held in equal balance with security.

    Mobile Independence Is a Privilege Governed by Data Rights

    As devices grew more powerful, more expensive and more diversified with tablets and wearables, the concept of BYOD became more palatable to IT. However, these new abilities required more granular ways to control the data flowing in. Transient workers requiring two mailboxes on one device turned to containers. File shares could also live separated from device-level controls along with secure Web browsers and a host of other features that fulfilled a manifest destiny of productivity even when in transit. Enterprise mobility management (EMM) is the current term to define this broadening of devices, data, apps and access to devices.

    One mobility program of enabling and securing endpoints, under one management pane of glass, giving mobile liberty to all.

    Like the expansion of the United States, now that the mobile device has open freedom across this broad landscape of enterprise data, the CSO (or any level of security really) is a quintessential player in ensuring an uninterrupted flow of information. Mobile threat management (MTM) is how security can reach this new land. With MTM as part of a larger EMM solution, securing in-house and third-party apps from malware, advance jailbreaking or rooting rules and opening the way for seamless single sign-on access to all facets of the device becomes a reality.

    The Mobile Bill of Rights

    Historically, the Fourth of July isn’t about the Bill of Rights, but I beg a bit of patriotic poetic liberty to hopefully offer the foundation for your mobile liberation:

    1. Free speech, text, mail, files and access on any mobile device or endpoint, if and only if employees respect corporate data on those devices being managed through some form of endpoint and mobile security.
    2. The right to bear BYOD, without abstention from IT: When a personal device is compromised, IT will still act to triage the security of data on that device. Likewise, when apps or access to internal networks are needed, IT shall enable those services to ensure expedience in delivery and integrity of data delivery.
    3. No employee shall willingly quarter malicious material on devices. If workers want to root or jailbreak to experiment with a cool new app or some OS-level optimization, the device is unable to accept corporate data until it is back in compliance.
    4. Device privacy shall be respected by IT. Yes, MDM and security tools give IT a look at device activity, but IT is not reading emails, texts or other personal material. I always balk at this EMM because if IT wanted, they could have been reading our emails for years now — but they don’t. With MDM, they can’t, and still this wild conspiracy permeates the cube farm.
    5. Mobile security is not a witch-hunt or an indictment on how employees spend their free time in the wide world of apps. Personal information remains off the table in mobile freedom.
    6. In light of a breach, theft or toddler who will only be calmed down by tapping away on your tablet, employees should expect a speedy lock, block, selective wipe or reset of the device to keep data safe.
    7. There is one set of rules governing acceptable mobile use and data delivery. A recent study titled “Why Is App Security Escaping Development?” showed 40 percent of in-house-developed apps are leaving the enterprise without the most basic security. This is an effort to stay competitive and meet the harsh deadlines necessitated by our new global economy. It will also prove foolhardy as black hats become more aware of these sieves in the corporate data structure.
    8. Excessive bailing on enrollment in mobile security programs shall not be coddled by IT. Yes, mobile security apps take up space on a phone or tablet. But not only is it worth it for the enterprise, it’s vital.
    9. IT enablement is just beginning and shows no signs of ending. If anything, it’s growing larger. Employees have simply gained new freedoms with device selection; the true business enablement of this world is squarely on the shoulders of IT and security teams.
    10. Mobile device and data access requires us all to think a little more wisely. Departments, work groups and individual workers should not seek out IT for every little issue with a phone glitch or tablet phantom turn-off. At a certain point, we all need to understand what is business and what is personal on our home screens. IT should not be charged with helping employees access their July Fourth barbecue pictures, just as an employee should never be given a Wi-Fi password on a sticky note and told, “Good luck.”