That’s’s right kids, another episode of your least favorite moment in audio and comic booking. Email comments and complaints to robpatey@comcast.net


AMBUSH BUG (MARK MILLER) AND I (ROB PATEY a.k.a. OPTIMOUS DOUCHE AIN’T IT COOL NEWS) embark on the following time coded journey.

  • Tweets & FaceBooks of the Week & Mini FABLES Review | 2:00
  • JUSTICE LEAGUE #43 | DC Comics | Geoff Johns, Jason Fabok | 5:25
  • BOOK OF DEATH II #2 | Valiant | Robert Venditti, Robert Gill, Doug Braithwaite | 18:36
  • SECRET WARS BATTLEWORLD: HOUSE OF M #1 | Marvel | Dennis Hopeless, Marco Failla | 29:00
  • SECRET WARS BATTLEWORLD: HOWARD THE HUMAN #1 | Marvel | Scottie Young, Jim Mahfood |36:10
  • Christmas 1983 with Uncle Drunkel Miller | 42:50
  • SECRET WARS BATTLEWORLD: SECRET LOVE #1 | Marvel | Michael Fiffe (I), Felipe Smith (II), Jeremy Whitley, Gurihiru (III), Marguerite Bennett, Kris Anka (IV), Katie Cook (V) | 51:00
  • WELCOME BACK #1 | Boom Studios | Chris Sebela, Jonathan Brandon Sawyer | 1:01:00

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I find cognitive processes fascinating. No place can we see or own rudimentary steps towards making sense of this world than in animals. This is also the place we can mock how incessantly long it takes for things to stick without causing any lasting damage to the sllllooowwww learner’s psyche.

Here’s my boy Fergus trying to figure out a treat puzzle:

In video 1, we send our Golden Retriever into the fray without a plan.

In video 2, I show Fergus how to work this puzzle if he had thumbs.

In video 3 , Fergus makes the lesson his own.

Amazing how the impossible becomes easy with a little help and patience.

Patey’s Content Marketing Tip #1: Content vs. Irate Marketing

Rob Patey As content marketing continues to give consternation to writers and marketers alike, I’ve been asked to throw down my tips for surviving this collision of historically disparate jobs. Who am I? Rob Patey. I was deemed a nut by IT marketers 15 years ago, even told to go work for Men’s Warehouse writing flyers. Today I am a content marketer, those other folks are selling suits at Men’s Warehouse! Learn, talk, and let’s make it all better! 

Content Marketing vs. Irate Marketing 

For my first entry into helping people survive Content marketing, we need to admit that it’s a silly silly term. I won’t fight the mighty zeitgeist behind it (because I never take on a battle already lost), so I have found my own way of defining this “new” mode of marketing that leaves everyone outside of this profession scratching their heads (from the layman’s view; all of the flyers, brochures, ads, post cards, videos, webinars and podcasts were always viewed as content).

  • Content Marketing: A story, or the preamble to a story that people choose to read.
  • Irate Marketing: Aggressive product pitches foisted upon unsuspecting prospects filled with pablum about your product that is so chest pounded with self-bravado the writer end up with an arrhythmic heartbeat.

Now, being as much story development as dissemination throughout my career, I fully get that the buying cycle has changed.

I know well that 80% of Business2Business research is happening before your “account rep” ever talks to the person (the fact I can rattle off 12 excuses by sales on how “crappy” the leads are without even thinking is a testament to prospect ensnaring prowess).

I know the prospect funnel has been replaced by the Engagement Web of social channels. I know we need lots of content to fill every nook of YouTube, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Twitter and the like with content.BUT WE ONCE AGAIN ONLY THOUGHT OF OURSELVES IN MARKETING WHEN WE NAMED THIS DELUGE CONTENT MARKETING!!! This self-pitying naval gazing in nomenclature is what’s filling 99.99% of the business copy I see. Once again, it’s all about us.

CONTENT MARKETING SHOULD BE A GIFT OF VALUABLE AND ENGAGING INFORMATION! Because prospects can now choose whether or not to give us their time. 

While CAN-SPAM may feel like a toothless tigers as unsubscribes beget more emails (especially from v1agra offers overseas), but it empowered consumers with the sense of opting-out from all marketing and advertising. Or opting-in to the messages they actually do want to receive.

Ignoring our messages was an impossibility (or at least very difficult) in the age of billboards and magazines. Even the mundane brochures from back in the early days of B2B marketing had desk jockeys attention bound because they only had only one thing to distract them from their jobs (magazines too, but that didn’t really look like work).

Opt-in marketing and preference centers aren’t legislatively dictated, but they are certainly best-practice and how every free social microphone operates (with the exception of in-stream ads, but even those are tailored on interest to maximize ROI).

When crafting verbiage for your market, ask whether you are creating something that people will:

  • Find useful
  • Find interesting
  • Find affects them
  • Come back to keep finding more of later

Now that we know these fine four fundamentals of what content marketing should be, we can start exploring the other 4,000,000 details.

Are you being asked to be a content marketer? Need help? Need to vent? Ask or vent vitriol in the comments or via email

The Declaration of Mobile Independence and Data Bill of Rights

Originally published by Rob Patey on IBM Securityintelligence.

Mobile Security Freedom As I was celebrating the birth of America’s freedom this July Fourth, I sparked a firecracker for the fact that I was able to use my tablet to take a meeting in a place where the Fourth of July is just another day of the week.


I was offered a stay of execution from the team, but an hour of my time was a small sacrifice, especially since the entire event took place on my iPad and mobile phone from my back porch.

About one-and-a-half scores ago, I remember waving a sparkler at Newark Liberty International Airport as my father headed off to Sweden for a meeting on July 5. The tablet, smartphone and the manifest destiny of last-mile broadband reaching fruition allowed me to turn off Harry Chapin’s “Cats in the Cradle” and spend time with my family watching fireworks once the meeting was finished.

This affordability — having the right device for the job at a time when I need to use it and from wherever I please — wasn’t a freedom simply handed to me. Like any great leap forward in liberation, battles were fought and accords of acceptable use had to be established between employee and employer.

As I recount some of this ancient mobile history and the hallmarks of security, productivity and mobility that resulted from them, I know some of you are going through these trials and tribulations right now. May you avoid the missteps of the past and join all of us forefathers (and mothers) for the next data deluge on the shores of the Internet of Things (IoT).

Freedom Is Never Free, Especially in Mobility

Before anyone can truly decry independence, mobile or otherwise, an upheaval from the status quo is required. An assist from France bolstered America’s liberation, and a few years later, the Bastille was taken by bayonets — not baguettes.

Since the first smartphone could sync with Active Directory, the already beleaguered IT group from the BlackBerry bonanza of the early 21st century showed rightful resistance to employee presumptions on data access. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The email policy was born, and business leaders furiously rubbed rabbit feet for luck in hopes this would be enough to keep employees secure and satisfied.

It didn’t work. And today it really doesn’t work, but we’ll get there in a minute.

Mobile device management (MDM) offered the treatise of device choice balanced with one-window control. MDM became especially vital in the famous battle of bring-your-own-device (BYOD). Without the device and OS agnosticism of MDM and mobile app management (MAM), we might all still be in a state of technological dissemination without user representation.

Freedom from the confines of the office was finally won with the understanding that privacy can be maintained without completely obfuscating the view of IT. Now, policy can be crafted with a preamble of independence for both sides of technology enablement:

When in the course of business events, it becomes necessary for the enterprise to act as one people to dissolve inefficiencies that have disconnected them from each other and corporate data, and respect the freedom of choice to work on the equipment deemed best by the workers actually producing the work.

We hold these truths of mobile productivity to be self-evident, that all devices are created equal, that they are to be enabled by IT with rights to the same data as laptops and desktops and, finally, that usability is held in equal balance with security.

Mobile Independence Is a Privilege Governed by Data Rights

As devices grew more powerful, more expensive and more diversified with tablets and wearables, the concept of BYOD became more palatable to IT. However, these new abilities required more granular ways to control the data flowing in. Transient workers requiring two mailboxes on one device turned to containers. File shares could also live separated from device-level controls along with secure Web browsers and a host of other features that fulfilled a manifest destiny of productivity even when in transit. Enterprise mobility management (EMM) is the current term to define this broadening of devices, data, apps and access to devices.

One mobility program of enabling and securing endpoints, under one management pane of glass, giving mobile liberty to all.

Like the expansion of the United States, now that the mobile device has open freedom across this broad landscape of enterprise data, the CSO (or any level of security really) is a quintessential player in ensuring an uninterrupted flow of information. Mobile threat management (MTM) is how security can reach this new land. With MTM as part of a larger EMM solution, securing in-house and third-party apps from malware, advance jailbreaking or rooting rules and opening the way for seamless single sign-on access to all facets of the device becomes a reality.

The Mobile Bill of Rights

Historically, the Fourth of July isn’t about the Bill of Rights, but I beg a bit of patriotic poetic liberty to hopefully offer the foundation for your mobile liberation:

  1. Free speech, text, mail, files and access on any mobile device or endpoint, if and only if employees respect corporate data on those devices being managed through some form of endpoint and mobile security.
  2. The right to bear BYOD, without abstention from IT: When a personal device is compromised, IT will still act to triage the security of data on that device. Likewise, when apps or access to internal networks are needed, IT shall enable those services to ensure expedience in delivery and integrity of data delivery.
  3. No employee shall willingly quarter malicious material on devices. If workers want to root or jailbreak to experiment with a cool new app or some OS-level optimization, the device is unable to accept corporate data until it is back in compliance.
  4. Device privacy shall be respected by IT. Yes, MDM and security tools give IT a look at device activity, but IT is not reading emails, texts or other personal material. I always balk at this EMM because if IT wanted, they could have been reading our emails for years now — but they don’t. With MDM, they can’t, and still this wild conspiracy permeates the cube farm.
  5. Mobile security is not a witch-hunt or an indictment on how employees spend their free time in the wide world of apps. Personal information remains off the table in mobile freedom.
  6. In light of a breach, theft or toddler who will only be calmed down by tapping away on your tablet, employees should expect a speedy lock, block, selective wipe or reset of the device to keep data safe.
  7. There is one set of rules governing acceptable mobile use and data delivery. A recent study titled “Why Is App Security Escaping Development?” showed 40 percent of in-house-developed apps are leaving the enterprise without the most basic security. This is an effort to stay competitive and meet the harsh deadlines necessitated by our new global economy. It will also prove foolhardy as black hats become more aware of these sieves in the corporate data structure.
  8. Excessive bailing on enrollment in mobile security programs shall not be coddled by IT. Yes, mobile security apps take up space on a phone or tablet. But not only is it worth it for the enterprise, it’s vital.
  9. IT enablement is just beginning and shows no signs of ending. If anything, it’s growing larger. Employees have simply gained new freedoms with device selection; the true business enablement of this world is squarely on the shoulders of IT and security teams.
  10. Mobile device and data access requires us all to think a little more wisely. Departments, work groups and individual workers should not seek out IT for every little issue with a phone glitch or tablet phantom turn-off. At a certain point, we all need to understand what is business and what is personal on our home screens. IT should not be charged with helping employees access their July Fourth barbecue pictures, just as an employee should never be given a Wi-Fi password on a sticky note and told, “Good luck.”




A brief divergence this week from the usual Ain’t It Cool News Spoiler Alert review crew Podcast. Without our excelsior producer, JD, Mark Miller (aka Ambush Bug) and I gab endlessly about THE COVENANT #1, GROOT #1, MIDNIGHTER #1, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: RENEW YOUR VOWS #1, BROKEN WORLD #1, OMEGA MEN #1, SECRET WAR #1, & AIRBOY #1! This week, we slathered on that sweet, sweet jack@$$ery extra thick free of charge!


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DC Comics U? What are YOU?

For anyone who is a reporter of true prowess and magnitude, the news of DC Comics answer to refreshen their stale 3 year old sub-brand of “New 52” with the effervescent “DC YOU,” might have slipped past all the real news in your inbox. It’s OK, this is all I have and I could merely raise the following vitriol. I know none of this really matters, since comics are only here to feed movies and this might as well be an org chart box naming exercise as much as a story firebrand, but again…this is all I am allowed to report on.

Starfire, DC YOU
Mom bloggers begin rejoicing, Daddy weeps alone.
Actually, the New 52 sub-brand might still be in play. I am not an organizational dynamics expert so I can’t completely crack the lexicon of this new initiative. What’s confusing is that not all books will be YOUthenized. Actually only 10 (right now) are being given a new YOU shampoo and restyle. However, a schedule of what looks like 52ish books makes me wonder if any of the outlier titles will remain New 52 brand. Again, I can tell this new You of kinda 52 is divided by story type, creator bucket and some other parsing to merely exacerbate the chief critique DC receives for being a splintered universe. Fix a problem by exacerbating it. No, that’s silly? Right?

What this New You The new universe is an homage too has also died, making it a resonance brand, but not one with good resonance. New 52 was stilted by corporate interests after FINAL CRISIS folly and then strangled to death from Multiversity inconsequentiality. Young, dumb and love to punch is the experimentation du jour form marketing budget, while quality story is ignored and relegated to have asshats like guys who call themselves Optimous Docuhe cover them. Earth One, I’m sorry for me.

Those who know my desire to make the world rich while still being hippies…ish know that I don’t balk at dollar aspirations or corporations fervor to get at more money through marketing. I can however gladly balk at my own kin in marketing who have woefully misjudged the comic audience. Don’t think a sing songy rhyming has worked in wooing me since I was in the crib. Comic readers should be feared. The weapon we wield is really the operative word of my saber rattling last sentence…we’re reader.

New 52, DC YOU, Morrison Magical Moo…call it what you want, none of it is an alluring or enticing factor to shift. I gave you a chance before gang and New 52 ultimately meant nothing, It was so permeable, a movie strategy shift made it waft away after three years.

Three years. Think about the past permanence and ongoing commitment to serial storytelling we had prior:

Cool pic bro. a 32nd Robin is even cooler.
Cool pic bro. a 32nd Robin is even cooler.
1938-1961: The universe was like a metal sheet, but suffocating with too much reality of time passage to necessitate a schism of Earth 2

1961-1986: A warm, down blanket, keeping the universe contained and nicely percolating at a good timing temperature of  pace for managed growth and serial gravitas.

1986 – 199ish: Here we debate the sort Zero Hour changes. I am pro so I add them. On the Rebootometer though it is a .5 of change.

1990’s- 2011: Another good stretch, but let’s be honest in saying permanence was gone. We received a few universes in this time that would quietly quit and then try to be a schizophrenic with a new direction and vaguely apologetic excuse for the shift.

2011 – 2015: New 52 says bonjour.

2015: New 52 bids adieu, but at least we now know it was just marketing spew.

Why do I keep collecting comics? I’m delusional and I believe my voice matters. The things I say appearing on page and in media months later is probably just zeitgeist, but since I can’t be sure I persevere. I helped make comics what I want, but I realize now they need help with ones controlling the budget dollars. It’s scary in the big machine of business, but it is traversable and can be reasoned with if you speak the right language.

New 52 was a bad idea, bred of desire to keep some tether to comic commitment in the face of a brand brigade wanting to take over. We all get that now. I learned, but I don’t think the people steering the ship have. DC YOU JUST COMPLICATED AND FRACTURED THE LANDSCAPE MORE. YOUR COMPETITION IS DOUBLING DOWN ON SOLIDARITY OF STORY.

I don’t recommend attacking competition directly, but I also don’t ever turn down proven success either.

Let’s try a new scheme and phrasing mantra, a less schizo model of representing the rise of heroes. Also, it rhymes so it must be good. Ready.