DC Comics U? What are YOU?

For anyone who is a reporter of true prowess and magnitude, the news of DC Comics answer to refreshen their stale 3 year old sub-brand of “New 52” with the effervescent “DC YOU,” might have slipped past all the real news in your inbox. It’s OK, this is all I have and I could merely raise the following vitriol. I know none of this really matters, since comics are only here to feed movies and this might as well be an org chart box naming exercise as much as a story firebrand, but again…this is all I am allowed to report on.

Starfire, DC YOU
Mom bloggers begin rejoicing, Daddy weeps alone.
Actually, the New 52 sub-brand might still be in play. I am not an organizational dynamics expert so I can’t completely crack the lexicon of this new initiative. What’s confusing is that not all books will be YOUthenized. Actually only 10 (right now) are being given a new YOU shampoo and restyle. However, a schedule of what looks like 52ish books makes me wonder if any of the outlier titles will remain New 52 brand. Again, I can tell this new You of kinda 52 is divided by story type, creator bucket and some other parsing to merely exacerbate the chief critique DC receives for being a splintered universe. Fix a problem by exacerbating it. No, that’s silly? Right?

What this New You The new universe is an homage too has also died, making it a resonance brand, but not one with good resonance. New 52 was stilted by corporate interests after FINAL CRISIS folly and then strangled to death from Multiversity inconsequentiality. Young, dumb and love to punch is the experimentation du jour form marketing budget, while quality story is ignored and relegated to have asshats like guys who call themselves Optimous Docuhe cover them. Earth One, I’m sorry for me.

Those who know my desire to make the world rich while still being hippies…ish know that I don’t balk at dollar aspirations or corporations fervor to get at more money through marketing. I can however gladly balk at my own kin in marketing who have woefully misjudged the comic audience. Don’t think a sing songy rhyming has worked in wooing me since I was in the crib. Comic readers should be feared. The weapon we wield is really the operative word of my saber rattling last sentence…we’re reader.

New 52, DC YOU, Morrison Magical Moo…call it what you want, none of it is an alluring or enticing factor to shift. I gave you a chance before gang and New 52 ultimately meant nothing, It was so permeable, a movie strategy shift made it waft away after three years.

Three years. Think about the past permanence and ongoing commitment to serial storytelling we had prior:

Cool pic bro. a 32nd Robin is even cooler.
Cool pic bro. a 32nd Robin is even cooler.
1938-1961: The universe was like a metal sheet, but suffocating with too much reality of time passage to necessitate a schism of Earth 2

1961-1986: A warm, down blanket, keeping the universe contained and nicely percolating at a good timing temperature of  pace for managed growth and serial gravitas.

1986 – 199ish: Here we debate the sort Zero Hour changes. I am pro so I add them. On the Rebootometer though it is a .5 of change.

1990’s- 2011: Another good stretch, but let’s be honest in saying permanence was gone. We received a few universes in this time that would quietly quit and then try to be a schizophrenic with a new direction and vaguely apologetic excuse for the shift.

2011 – 2015: New 52 says bonjour.

2015: New 52 bids adieu, but at least we now know it was just marketing spew.

Why do I keep collecting comics? I’m delusional and I believe my voice matters. The things I say appearing on page and in media months later is probably just zeitgeist, but since I can’t be sure I persevere. I helped make comics what I want, but I realize now they need help with ones controlling the budget dollars. It’s scary in the big machine of business, but it is traversable and can be reasoned with if you speak the right language.

New 52 was a bad idea, bred of desire to keep some tether to comic commitment in the face of a brand brigade wanting to take over. We all get that now. I learned, but I don’t think the people steering the ship have. DC YOU JUST COMPLICATED AND FRACTURED THE LANDSCAPE MORE. YOUR COMPETITION IS DOUBLING DOWN ON SOLIDARITY OF STORY.

I don’t recommend attacking competition directly, but I also don’t ever turn down proven success either.

Let’s try a new scheme and phrasing mantra, a less schizo model of representing the rise of heroes. Also, it rhymes so it must be good. Ready.


ASK ROB RETURNS: The Rise and Fall of Superheroes

A college student looking for thesis quotes recently tapped into my comic knowledge and over opinionated word salad with these comic book conundrums:

  1. Do you believe the current influx of comic movies or superhero genre films is a fad or something that will continue for the unseeable future. If you think it will continue, do you believe the films continue to adapt over time, fitting the culture and evolving?
  2. Why do you think comic properties are suddenly becoming so popular and profitable?

rob-patey-sad-faceGreat Questions Little Fella,

The superhero has already become passé as we see from the struggle in the big two comic companies to support ongoing continuity of story and character. The Bible never reached issue 900, because as we saw from modern day Jesus, Superman, when a comic becomes that long in tooth the character must change. For the uninformed, Action comics 900 was bemoaned because Superman essentially said America could no longer be his chief interest when the world is so connected. 

While logical, this does break the very foundation of a character who was inspired to give us hope in the face of a great oppressor. In a world where terror reigns supreme, and our greatest fears are the unexpected, a mind reader serves as amore soothing balm than some man in his underwear willy-nilly scouting the skies for danger.

Even the Marvel characters, the baby-boomer contribution to Americana’s new titans, are feeling the buckle of age with their first reboot of time (after many undeclared ones over the years). What was once the hip and cool comic choice with; super-keen Spider-Man, groovy X-men and happening Hell’s Kitchen characters, and awesome Avengers are no longer needed when Nerds are now cool, different is now the norm and the powerful are the object of envy as opposed to inspiration. 

Do collars change the hero?

Superheroes are like zombies, vampires and every other blip on the radar of our existence, a coping mechanism. The cape arose as religion waned throughout the 20th century, to supplant our saviors and inspire the now watered-down term, “hope.” 

These super legends will wane, because if you transform too much, the metamorphosis births them anew regardless of branding.

As for delivery to the masses and a superhero summer movie schedule in the foreseeable future, what do you consider that time period to be? The marvel machine is scheduled into the 2020’s. When the X-Wing flies into a portal and crashes eon Graymalkin lane. hell they could go into the 2030’s. Then Warner Brothers needs to do their half-hearted competitive attempt at thwarting that revenue stream. They will throw at least a trilogy into the fray and given their slow dev times, those movies will chug past the teen years of this new millennium. 

On question two, Superhero movies have taken over the cinema, simply because of technology. For years I have tried to make others see a comic book come alive as I did when I was four and bought my first Richie Rich. Panels, words, images flow seamlessly and scream alive in the minds of comic readers; those of us who also read books and see the world come alive. 

Example of people with no imagination.

As a being who lives in imagination more than Jackie Paper’s friend Puff; words, images and movies are all the same experience for me. My mind is so jacked, I literally have a movie screen playing all day in my head.  Some, actually many people, can not take the same figurative leaps of imbuing life into story. For the spoon-fed of this world, the stories we have read for years needed computer graphics for the telling. Look at early CG, like the 90s Fantastic Four movies, and tell me if it was at all believable (even in the context of the time). Then look at the Fox attempt a decade later, with better graphics and you tell me which is more immersive and plausible. 

Fantasy is a hard aesthetic distance for many to cross, they keep it at arm’s length because it can never be. For those individuals, superhero movies are new and finally of interest. They are a crutch into a genre that would have been impenetrable when the stories were first coming alive on the page.  


Comic Books: Are Gimmicks Grounding Story?



Dear Rob,
What’s your take on all the gimmicks coming out of DC Comics now?
 You seem to be a fan of DC but their constant stunts are killing me,  especially as I feel they are distracting from the core of what makes comics – good story. First a New 52.  Then 3d comic covers.  Then Selfie comic covers (!) and now a scratch and sniff comic (Harley Quinn). 
How about writing some good stories?  Wonder Woman and Batman (Maybe Aquaman) are the only characters that have managed to stay afloat in this new era of gimmicks.  Is there hope for change?

Great Question Foiled,

I’m taking this into two parts, because cover clusterfucks are a different situation than story!

On covers, c’ the fuck’ mon dude, you’re a fellow marketing wonk. Surely you know as well as I do that blurring the lines between quality of product, and presentation of that product are utterly independent factors. We know this because we do it every day for our masters. We don’t lie, but anyone wearing a marketing hat is most certainly an illusionist. Were this the 1970’s, one of us would have a pornstache and be wiggling our fingers like Doug Henning while the other one was picking audience pockets (or we could both have a pornstache, I didn’t mean to limit us).

DOUG-HENNINGAre we really going to begrudge our fellow marketing wonks at not just DC, but Marvel, Valiant and a million indies looking to scalp the same success? We get assed up because we love this hobby, but on the same token the marketer in me applauds each of these companies as kids and noobies come stare at these seemingly magic pages that move as you walk past. I’ll also admit, the comic collector in me becomes a bit less jaded as well because if this is the bait to widen our dwindling club, than so be it.

Now, I will says the chance of sustainable interest in the medium varies by cover:

  •  Valiant 8-Bit cover reminded them of Pitfall, will remember a time when people had to read for fun.
  • DC Pin-Up, Monster, Lego, Insert theme month here the person has a modicum of appreciation for art
  • Marvel Wolverine holo-foil will probably keep coming back every time a new Avengers trailer is released.
  • Looking to scratch and then subsequently sniff Harley Quinn’s beaver is the dude who walked in with his friend and will be blind from either alcohol poisoning or excessive masturbation shortly. Seriously those 4th wall breaking Harley Quinn one shots revel in awful…

So while the purist in me longs for a time back when covers were:

  • Indicative of the story inside
  • Not afraid to use a fucking word balloon
  • And were not a cacophony of color and needless posturing poses.

The marketer in me, the grown up, the suit, the man will not deny the numbers. Scott Snyder’s WYTCHES recently sold 90,000 copies with Image. JUSTICE LEAGUE 1 sold 350,000 copies. “Wytch” was the better story? It doesn’t matter. When you are battling icon to icon, noise and not substance is the key to swift movement.

Futures-End-Superman-1However, sustained interest and the making of comic collectors comes from quality serial storytelling,  and here is where I need to crash the second story in comic’s current house of cards. 

Comics are no longer printed for comics’ sake folks. When Gen X and before were kids, the sustainability of our favorite stories lived and died by how many floppies were sold. Today, floppies are R&D for the widening of dissemination into more lucrative revenue streams.

The fall of story for profit started with BATMAN BEYOND and trade pacing. If you look at today’s current universes and pacing of titles, the patterns are eminently obvious. We feel anemia in some issues because they are made purposely anemic to stretch out the page count. An editor must look at how these things will be collected for sale on Amazon since so few spinner racks exist anymore. It is the more portable and profitable means to an end. It is also a way to gauge the worthiness of content for animated cartoon, video game or the ultimate score of a movie.

If we look at MULTIVERSITY coming out of DC right now, it is truly the perfect follow-up to the decimation of the universe we saw in play four to five years ago around the time of FINAL CRISIS. The Monitors birthed 52 new worlds, which then instantly disappeared and turned into 52 titles about one earth.

Huh? Makes no fucking sense from a universal story perspective does it?

However, it makes perfect sense for a scared shitless Warner Brothers’ suit who got an M shaped pineapple shoved up their ass when the audiences didn’t give a rat’s taint about any of the 27 plot lines shoved into the GREEN LANTERN movie.

The New 52 was a lifeboat, not a rocket ship kids. As Mickey launches the Marvel brand into the billions of people served mark, DC needed to “youth”anise quickly or be euthanized by the WB corporate den of doom. Look at what changed and what didn’t. GREEN LANTERN and BATMAN were allowed to ignore FLASHPOINT because they were selling well and had movies in play. Look at the deluge of TV series that have come out from CONSTANTINE to GOTHAM. Each of these s steeped in the “freshness” of the New 52 to reach across the aisle at those who need imagination spoon fed to them.

MULTIVERSITY 1 COVERThis spoon feeding not only stymied the real DC New U of MULTIVERSITY, but has also obliterated an oft debated subject of tight universal continuity. With BATMAN BEYOND and the idea of series that live outside canon, publishers could ensure saturation into every demographic. Dark shit was going down in BATMAN during the late 80s and early 90s, and BATMAN BEYOND served up a younger dude who was way less morose and “deathy” than the days of broken backs and hunchbacks in the cave.

From that sincere broadening, we have the tainted “choose your own adventure” continuity we see today. Honestly, I truly believe I am a fool sometimes for reading as much of each universe as I do. Outside of Valiant, no one is doing a flawless cross. Now, DC takes the most hits because they made the most noise with their reboots. I look at Marvel as we close out 2014 though, and they are in just a bad of state as DC was pre September 2011. AXIS was a train wreck in a long string of who gives a fuck events this year that never interwove and now characters are being killed off for the sake of cutting off revenue streams from other studios. Wolverine is dead so that when Fox tries to do a movie in 2022, no 8 year old will know what the shit a Wolverine is.

I applaud the examples you used above for your vested DC interest. They are all great titles and if you look at each of them you will see they remained away from the taffy pulls of bringing the universe back to some semblance of good comic booking versus being a cross-media tentpole.

As for my coverage of books my formula is simple; “Review for those who care about what you say!” When I started reviewing comics for Ain’t It Cool seven years ago, DC showed an earnest interest in promoting my words and interacting with me on the then fetal social media channels. Geoff Johns would drop me a thanks for a review. Dan Didio accepted my friend request on FaceBook and I gathered some true fans for my work in their PR department at the time.

rob-patey-sad-faceDespite my reviews being an equal 33% DC, 33% Marvel and 33% Indie, it was always DC giving me feedback and asking for further reviews and forwarding .PDF comps. Marvel from creators to back office have never given two shits about my thoughts so I stopped trying. I’m not needy for affection, I am needy to effect change in comics. That only happens when the right people are listening.

The record will show, I have never pandered because of comps or favoritism. However, I will ALWAYS give you priority publishing the more time and money you spend in trying to get my attention. I may shit all over the book, which I have done from my beloved DC all the way to the ignore me Marvel, but I will cover it with keyword rich text for SEO awesomemsauce.

You say you want good stories, well then go write them my friend. I will never be arrogant enough to believe my views have directly affected the choices made in the industry over the past flew years, but I believe I helped trumpet a public zeitgeist of disdain for choices that helped all of our feelings be heard.

Find your story solace where you need. I recommend EARTH 1 for true impact and full Fryetag’s Pyramid for your money. You simply must wait forever between volumes. In the meantime go to Image. DC’s CONVERGENCE in April will be interesting. If MULTIVERSITY is to be taken literally, we could have a serialized version of EARTH 1 like titles in floppy form. Personally, that will be the end of my time with New 52 or Universe Prime as I believe it is now designated.

Marvel, I can’t tell you. They don’t want to talk to me. So…

Do you want to #ASKROB? Submit your questions in the comments or via email – because this is the face of caring!

Optimous Douche Hijacks Spoiler Alert Podcast: DARK GODS, SOUTHERN BASTARDS, RASPUTIN, FUTURES END 27

optimous douche rob patey takes over spoiler alert podcastI am Rob Patey. I am also Optimous Douche of Ain’t It Cool News. I am not proud of either fact most days of the week. I have taken your Spoiler Alert Comic Book Podcast, Ain’t It Cool News and Poptards Go.

Here is what I cover:

Fan Tweet – No mistake on the singular folks, that’s the tech savvy of our audience and production staff. Dan Day answers this week’s question, “What other things do you collect than comics?’ I tell Dan why his life is meaningless.

DARK GODS: Justin Jordan | German Erramouspe | Avatar Press

SOUTHERN BASTARDS: Jason Aaron | Jason Latour | Image Comics

RASPUTIN:  Alex Grecian | Riley Rossmo

FUTURES END 27: Brian Azzarello | Everyone | DC Comics

NEXT WEEK’S QUESTION: Who is your favorite DC character? What is your favorite multiverse earth? What story would you write with that character on that earth?


Thoughts and Thoughtful Reviews on ARMAGEDDON 2014

Hey there, hi there, ho there FiftyTwoKateers, it’s September again and we all know what that means, some BIG September events, which should not to be confused with the BIG August events that are only tangentially tied to the Passover pass off from the January events that launch the year.

I kid,I kid…sorta. Event is simply a marketing term at this point that really holds the same impact on story as a little thing we once simply called arcs and continuity. Anyone who keeps asking, “where the universal synergies have gone,” are the same stubborn bores who will never drink from the grossly misnamed event troth in some futile battle to take the word back to the past.

So, just chill. This FUTURES END catch-up is not an event summation, merely a state of one arc, five years from now, but started almost forty years from now, but not before we get the exposition about a war between Earth-1 and Earth-2 that I think will be starting very soon from now as FOREVER EVIL collides with FUTURES END…the part that is now.

Futures_End_Vol_1-0_Cover-1FUTURES END 1-19
Writers: Azzarello, Giffen, Jurgens, Lemire
Artists: Zircher, HI-FI

I was at first confused on FUTURES END’S purpose. Need proof? Watch me choke on my piss poor prognostications with this quote from my issue one review:

The D-list gathering is, essentially, the death, dismemberment and disenchantment of every hero festering on the bottom rung of the sales charts. No one is safe, as a neophyte in consciousness Eye begins to rip the DC universe asunder. StormWatch, which I faithfully stayed with much longer than I should have, is blown to smithereens. Green Arrow gets smashed and Firestorm is such a ball of self loathing it’s amazing he can fly without crying uncontrollably. One might think I’m not a fan of this book with this description, but here’s where the schadenfreude kicks in.

WRONG. FUTURES END has been less about making these characters simple paste on the side of a wall; it’s actually making them all kinds of awesome. Grifter and his little psychotic pre-teen ball buster of a sidekick, Fifty-Sue are awesome and hilariously self-aware, and the Firestorm flake-out has actually become a rather complex little dance of power as a now bullying team of left behind Justice Leaguer’s try to keep what little power they have left in their ranks.

As the main title to this universal arc (not event), FUTURES END has been a fun exercise akin plot wise to the 90’s favorite ARMAGEDDON 2001. Its far, but not too far, peeks ahead give us a true voyeuristic look at our heroes legacy versus the romanticized history when timelines are played with too far from now. FUTURES END is also old school JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL sarcastic, with Azzarello keeping the story very grounded in today’s more self-aware comic sensibilities.

FUTURES END seems to not be fucking around with the meaning of literal. Because things are looking mighty bleak in the following FUTURES END solo stories that sit behind the glorious moving covers that when stacked sound like a fat person jogging in corduroys.

So where will our heroes be in the far…ish end of the future?

(For anyone who cares whether I like these books or not, please consider their order to be that barometer)


FUTURES END FLASH 1FUTURES END FLASH 1: Come for the amazing Brett Booth art and stay for the moral conundrum, time antics and story payoff delivered by Roberts Venditti and Van Jensen. I was a big naysayer to bringing Barry back after having spent a lifetime with Wallly, but boring personalities aside, the book has always been solid. I was almost of a mind to yell no when Wally was introduced, simply because it felt forced since Barry and Iris weren’t knocking gold winged booties. Bad Optimous, because since the Valiant boys have come in and brought forth a mysterious blue flash from the future the book continues to accelerate in amazing. Five years from now, Blue Flash reveals his true face to Wally and Iris, unfortunately its after he pastes their brother and uncle Daniel, the reverse flash. Blue bails on tomorrow as best as he can considering the speed force time fractures to show up and get pummeled by a silver speeder. Barry facing his killer self, Wally imbued with the speed force finally and an uncertain tomorrow gave this FUTURES END entry my top billing of the week and goosebumps for further issues of FLASH.

Futures-End-Superman-1FUTURES END SUPERMAN 1: With the cat out of the bag already that Billy Batson has been taking up the Supes mantle after Sally Struthers convinced Clark Kent he would be best serves digging for water in a dying continent, I walked into this one with a fair amount of skepticism. Surprises do happen kids because Jurgens wrote the hell out of this confrontation between Lois Lane and Shazam with the hood on her big mouthed reporter lady ways jeopardizing the illusion that Superman is still in action. Weeks’ pencils are superb as the talk is perfectly counterbalanced with a distress call to fight an old foe that eventually leads to a glorious epiphany.

FUTURES END HARLEY QUINN 1FUTURES END HARLEY QUINN 1: The brain child of Palmiotti and Conner has been breaking the 4th wall worse than Christopher Walken reading his cue cards in…well everything. Thankfully direct DC deprecation has been outlawed in the future and only good ole’ innuendo remains. After a raucous Castaway spoof complete with her Wilson, our favorite albino sexpot wanders into an Apocolypto Incan tribe. The cover don’t lie folks, she does run into Mr. J. How did he get hisface back? Shut your whore continuity spewing mouth and enjoy the Joe Versus the Volcano themed fun.

booster-gold-futures-end-1-standard-coverFUTURES END BOOSTER GOLD 1: This would have made it higher on the list if this was 1987 and I knew what the hell Booster Gold was up to right now. I read a ton of DC books, because that has always been my deep dive universe. I love Booster of yore and it was that nostalgia that brought me to imbibe his New 52 life. My sentimental tolerance is thin though, and the new JLI fell flat for me and I think readers by its immediate canceling. Anyway…somehow Booster ended up being jettisoned haphazardly across the time stream like Sam from Quantum Leap. 1800’s Gotham, 31st Century Metropolis and Kamandi end days even. Now, the real surprise is good so I won’t ruin it here, but I can’t bump this up on my pecking order. Sloppy art handoff to a cavalcade of contributors and no context of setting or moment before leaves this title low. Jurgens did fine, but when a guy who reads about 48 of the 52 titles each month goes, “huh?” Something is rotten in Denmark’s editorial department.


FUTURES END BATMAN 1: Bruce Wayne is crippled and trying to muster up some gene tech that will let him make multiple Batman’s since the Batkids seem to have delivered lowered expectations, or are in hiding like Tim Drake. An odd juxtaposition to the vehement clone hating he’s showing Ra’s over in BATMAN & ROBIN. It’s also odd considering the events of…

FUTURES END BATGIRL 1: Where Babs has actually gathered a trio of Batgirl power including old favorites like Harper Rowe and Stephanie Brown. Gail Simone’s writing simply shined in the beginning of this issue with a wedding day disaster perpetrated by a certain crazy brother that pushes Babs into full-on Bruce Wayne vengeance mode. Her first step is a very clever double agent move where she learned the tricks of bad guys before delivering a final solution. The only times I really bemoaned the books’ choice were when Babs wore the world’s worst Mexican wrestler outfit after Bane training and then the wretched after school special moment where Babs says she never took venom she simply became a roided out freak. I know, drugs are bad hmmmm, kay? But I have to believe if bulking up was the answer to thwarting crime the bat brain trust would have brought more brawn to the table a while ago.


batman 66 meets green hornet 1 coverBATMAN ’66 MEETS GREEN HORNET 1
Writers: Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman
Artist: Ty Templeton
Publishers: DC and Dynamite
Reviewer: Rob Patey (aka – Optimous Douche, Ain’t It Cool News) 

Given my malaise towards camp and kitsch, I thought for sure I would hate the BATMAN ’66 series that inspired this crossover. Wow, was I wrong. Jeff Parker and Richard Case worked the Bam and Kapow, while they delicately inserted today’s cynical sensibilities without ever compromising the camp.

Now, given my adoration of the prior ’66 effort and my love of Kevin Smith (Jersey boys stick together), I couldn’t see where this would fall off the rails. Well, now I know exactly where this title careened into a truck full of orphans was the complete lack of reverence for the original TV series, or the recent success of the comic book. Forced, muddled and an utter exercise in who gives a shit are the watchwords of this crossover that no one asked for.

To put prejudices at bay, I find Smith to be a .750 hitter on the comic front. I loved his Daredevil and Green Arrow run (before anyone wants to get on me for GA, look at how much was carried forward from his seeds). Now, I also know what the deal is 99.99% of the time when two writers are credited on a book. Generally the greater name is charged with plotting and editorial, while the lesser name does the heavy lifting on dialog. I actually have no problem with the plot that brings Britt and Bruce together on a train carrying priceless art. I also liked (in theory) Dick Grayson going on a date. So I’m not really knocking Smith, Garman on the other hand is more directionless than a Garmin.

The opportunities to play double-entendres abound, I mean these are big fat hanging softballs over the plate. Garman, the past host of the very funny Joe Schmo show, is Stevie Wonder at the bat. Whenever there is a chance to zig, he instead zags with a deluge of dialog that is not funny, ironic, nor in tonality with the original TV show or the Parker book. I’ve met Adam West, he couldn’t have remembered this much dialog if he tried. The sentences are too long and too forced to truly be any iteration of Batman. Not once does he revel in this playground, but rather plays it very safe on the see saw like an asthmatic fat kid.

Now, a prejudice I do have is the fact I hate Green Hornet. But I’ll say that Britt and Kato are probably the most likeable and realistic characters in this book. From the time the billionaires meet on the train, to when they finally suit up and start fighting the bad guy, a man who shoots glue, I really found myself in the Hornet’s corner. That’s sad considering I’ve only half-read most Green Hornet books after some earnest initial tries, while I have about twenty-five longboxes of the Bat in my basement.

I was even less than impressed with Templeton, but that is more stylistic taste versus quality. Something about Case’s work on the original ’66 made me think of a cleaner and more detailed Mike Allred. Templeton draws some very HEAVY lines, almost to the point of distraction. We have to remember that these characters have deep rooting in the public zeitgeist, too much deviation as was the case when the heroes were in their civies, can really loose the visage you’re trying to emulate.

My editor always asks us to say something nice about a book. The Alex Ross cover RULED!!!! Would love to get a version of his ’66 Batman for my man-cave, assuming it is minus this book title, sans the Green Hornet  and adds an in her prime Julie Newmar.

FUTURES END 2: D List Characters/A List Quality

futuresend2coverFUTURES END 2
Writers: Brian Azzarello, Keith Giffen, Dan Jurgens, Jeff Lemire
Artist: Jesus Merino
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey (aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool News)

I fear my review for issue 1 of FUTERS END came across much harsher than I intended. I have some grudges still for some of the new 52 character iterations and at the end of the day I need to take the same harsh pill I l jam down the throats of others who have issues with character changes I could care less about, in essence “time moves on, get over it.” But when it came to characters like GREEN ARROW and STORMWATCH my rage blinded my objectivity, for this I apologize to DC and more importantly to you the comic buying public.

Instead of my paragraphs of ranting about where characters had been, I should have focused where they are now, which unveils the intent of FUTURES END – clean deck amidst a yarn of time travel, treachery and yet another redefining of the word superhero.

I will dare say this second issue truly moved me. Building off last issues demise of a now bearded Ollie Queen, the few superheroes that still have solidarity five years from now come to pay their respects. It all comes across as a truly heartfelt endeavor as Animal Man delivers a truly beautiful eulogy for a relationship we’re just getting introduced to over in JUSTICE LEAGUE UNITED (yes, this book will want you to reassess your feelings on JLU 2 also dropping this week). It was during these moments that I felt my Giffen and Jurgens of old appear from seemingly the ether. The follow-up dialog to the eulogy where Firestorm is confronted about choosing a booty call over league business was so reminiscent of the JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL of my youth it inspired me to pleasure myself to the Bangles “In Your Room.”

The source of venom aside from Firestorm’s negligence was our first introduction to Mr. Terrific five years from now. I don’t get the transformation, but he is now far more Kanye than his New 52 beginnings of Will Smith. His outing of secret identity for a better Q is store is very different from the cerebral detective who was exiled to EARTH after low sales. The JUSTICE LEAGUE has always had a hard time getting along in the New 52, but there is enough friction in the future to power Cleveland.

I hate to call this book the D-List parade, because it diminishes the quality. Even though these characters had a bitch of a time supporting their own books, mashed together they are pretty great. Throw in a high B+ lister like Batman Beyond beginning his break into Brother Eye, an inquisitive clue dropped to Lois Lane, and the shroud lessened a bit around our ultimate villain, the plot really did move despite the maudlin mentioned above.

Also, Jessus Merino drew the hell out of this, again…the funeral…the funeral.

It’s also nice to see another weekly done good like BATMAN ETERNAL. As opposed to done bad like COUNTDOWN. Personally, I don’t care if it takes 14 writers and 12 monkeys on aderal to get a book done, as long as they all mesh.

These guys mesh.