Tag Archives: superman

How MDM Makes IT Mobility’s Super Man

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superman-squareFaster than a speeding bullet, mobile devices have infiltrated ITs fortress of technology procurement solitude. Unlike most villains to IT, this is one with a noble pursuit. Users aren’t trying to overthrow ITs sovereignty as part of some nefarious scheme, they are merely trying to get more work done with the technology they are most comfortable with. Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) offers untold potential for organizations, and IT can serve this new nirvana of productivity assuming they bring the right super powers to the battle.

Here’s a short list of the super powers mobile device management (MDM) grants IT.

X-Ray Vision: Visibility is step one. After all, you can’t protect or manage that which you can’t see. With MDM you get x-ray level granularity into the devices connecting to email servers, Wi-Fi and other corporate resources. You can also see how many mobile devices have been jailbroken or rooted to avoid unwanted infiltration of malware. Apps can be easily identified in no time as well from their own command console. Last, but certainly not least, with MDM devices can be found no matter where in the world they were left behind.

Super Speed to Save the Day: With Over-the-Air enrollment, wiping, policy pushes and App and content distribution IT can enable the mobility needs of end-users in nanoseconds instead of hours.

Super Strength for Super Security: The only way to stop the locomotive strength of mobility threats is to be armed with more powerful controls. Enforcing standardized passcodes for all devices and OS types is certainly step one, but with MDM you get policies to hold back other juggernauts of mobility issues like malicious apps, overages and device features like the camera.

Leap to the Top of Ivory Towers in a Single Bound: There’s still some C-Suite scrutiny when it comes to mobility. ROI is the word of the day when the board meets in their tower in the sky. With MDM in place you can use things like mobile expense management and other super reports to leap into the conversation of mobility’s costs, but also infinite benefits.

Support Secret Identities: We all have two lives, work and home. More and more mobile devices are becoming a reflection of this dual-persona. Email, apps and content we access on our devices change drastically when the clock strikes 5:00. Find an MDM that can offer a clear separation of these two lives so the company’s Vice-President doesn’t get a copy of the little league schedule and the little league doesn’t receive the latest financial forecasts.

JUSTICE LEAGUE 19 REVIEW – The Distant Drums of Trinity War

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Justice league 19 coverJUSTICE LEAGUE 19 REVIEW
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artists: Ivan Reis & Gary Frank
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey ( aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool News)

As I expected, after last month’s recruitment session this JUSTICE LEAGUE serves to utter the quiet murmurs that will crescendo into a cacophony of chaos in coming months.

Longtime fans won’t experience much shock or awe at the Gatefold WTF moment of BATMAN taking down SUPERMAN with a hunk of homegrown Kryponite, what is shocking is that once you get inside the opening pages BATMAN isn’t the one wielding the green death. We don’t know who it is actually, all we know is a clandestine figure with open access to all Bat-Cave systems knew exactly where to find Batman’s cache of JUSTICE LEAGUE busting weaponry. If I was BATMAN I probably would have mislabeled the suitcases in such an event (i.e. put the Kryponite inside the case labeled for the Flash), but I also understand that page counts are sparse these days and a page of the nefarious burglar opening suitcases doesn’t make for the most exciting moments in comics.

Now, what was truly WTF worthy is the second story in this book where SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN enter the global political theater. In a moment sure to enrage FOXIans and other right wingers, Supes and Wondie decide to enter the sovereign nation of Kahndaq to end a hostage situation after the US was specifically told to stay out.  That’s not the part that will piss off disciples of Limbaugh though, it’s the duo’s rationale for this raid.

Khandaq has stood as “that” ethereal Arab nation for a longtime at DC – sometimes it’s been Iraq, other times Afghanistan – not geographically, but politically. After the raid, Supes and WW have a moment of introspection where they justify events by saying all of the unwanted occupations and bombing of innocents haven’t changed a damn thing over the years. That’s a pretty bold statement by Johns and even bolder is how this changes the tide of comics. The last time SUPERMAN thumbed his nose at the American way in ACTION 900 there was a comic outcry. Now with the two biggest heavy-hitters singing a similar tune someone will need to step as the antagonist to this choice. Dangerous ground; is quipped by Batman who was spying on the couple, this is how villains get started.

What’s interesting is that Bats approaches the two with a velvet glove instead of the aforementioned hunk of Kryponite and whatever the hell he has tucked away to subdue WONDER WOMAN. He also brings up the fact that their hidden relationship is anything but. This was a great character moment as Bats shows genuine concern for their well-being versus simply being an information stream control freak. Despite the pleasantries, I’m sure I’m not the only one who will hear the Trinity Wars’ battle drums off in the distance. Months ago we all thought this upcoming schism would be caused simply by forbidden love; this moment just upped the stakes to a battle of ideologies for all comic characters.

The rest of the issue follows a similar set-up cadence, but with less gravitas and more fun. With some league members investigating the bat-cave to find out who walked away with the Kryptonite, Firestorm and Lady Atom are left alone in the watch tower. That is of course after Atomette finishes her dungeon raid in World of Warcraft. Great little character moment made greater for those of us who truly wish we could shrink ourselves and actually step inside Azeroth. As an MMO player though, I will wish her ill will for blinking out half-way through the raid – unacceptable whether late for an appointment or not. She gets payback though, as Despero crashes the down the doors of the satellite on the last page.

Reis delivers great pencil work, especially during the rising tension behind the trinity. Pain and anger adorn Wonder Woman’s face in every panel. Reis also does a great job of portraying Superman with a hanged lasso whipped expression on his face. Don’t judge, we’ve all been there.

The SHAZAM back-up continues to deliver on all fronts. Again, I truly hope there’s a plan here to meld the JUSTICE LEAGUE and SHAZAM threads, I would hate to think this gold has festered at the back of the bus for so many months with no good reason.

JUSTICE LEAGUE has had an awakening creatively since “Throne of Atlantis,” and while the past issues have been a respite action wise, it’s clear this is simply the walk before some great running in the near future.

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA 1 REVIEW- Finally a League with PURPOSE!

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Justice league of america 1 coverJUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA 1
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: David Finch
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey (aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool)

Purpose: I’ve asked one thing from the JUSTICE LEAGUE since waaaaayyyyy back in the post FINAL CRISIS days, have a purpose for bringing together a LEAGUE. Back then the blunders were egregious, with the Holy Trinity picking heroes like baseball cards (and this is not hyperbole) to bring together a LEAGUE, because you know…there’s always been a JUSTICE LEAGUE.

Then came the New 52 and with it the promise of salvation. Not only were we getting a JUSTICE LEAGUE, but also a return of the Bwahahaha JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL, a new JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK to handle magic threats, and finally oversight for all heroes in the form of STORMWATCH.

I’ve made my thoughts well known on these titles, but here’s a synopsis. Johns should not create with Lee. Before anyone throws goddamn sales numbers at me I will remind you that the 4th Batman movie was a box office success. People are sheep and marketing easily leads the masses, I know firsthand, I’m in marketing and my soul is one step above lawyers on Satan’s most wanted. When we peeked past the marketing though, the first two arcs of JUSTICE LEAGUE were wafer thin. I have my theories on why, and it basically equates to the fact that Johns is indie film and Lee is big budget and never the tween shall meet. Johns is not your splash page writer and Lee is not a cramped panel artist. Disagree if you like, but I haven’t heard a better theory yet. JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL was less bwahahaha and more just plain awwww, hence why it’s no longer with us. STORMWATCH, don’t even get me started. It has been a mess since day one choking on its own hubris. These folks were supposed to be the ones who watch the WATCHMEN, but since they can’t get shit straight in their own house all we’ve gotten are a bunch of slap fights between Apollo & Midnighter and some kind of shadow council…or shadow puppetry…I’m not sure. I like JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK, but part of that adoration lies in the detractors’ claims it doesn’t feel like it’s part of the universe. Fair enough, but at least it’s original.

JUSTICE LEAGUE redeemed itself with Throne of Atlantis, and I believe whole heartedly that JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA will rectify the missteps of the team books that have come before.

Not only does JUSTICE LEAGUE AMERICA have a purpose, but that purpose is steeped in actual continuity. Its purpose is also right in line with the marketing hype and a stark reflection of the current 99%ers feelings towards the 1% who pull our collective marionette strings. You want to know, “Who watches the WATCHMEN” or in this case the JUSTICE LEAGUE? Then you need look no further than JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA.

JLA _1_5While this is a straight-up introductory tale, Johns does a great job of keeping the book moving without it being a straight up Mickey Mouse roll call. He also builds off the history of the New 52, without making it required reading.  Basically, there’s a pervasive fear in the government and leading the rabblerousing is our own favorite Queen of conspiracy theories, Amanda Waller. Uncle Sam fears the JUSTICE LEAGUES allegiance to the planet at large, and the US of A wants a way to ensure countermeasures should the JUSTICE LEAGUE side with someone other than the Stars & Stripes.

Now since Waller has her hands full with other skullduggery in the DCU, she turns to the Old League liaison Steve Trevor to corral and manage this new group. This leads us to a part of the book that confused me, but still left me enthralled. We’ve always known Waller will manipulate people to get her way, but she takes it to new heights in this book and I can’t tell if her concerns were genuine or simply pushing Steve’s buttons.

The kiss between Superman and Wonder Woman that made a thousand Lois Lane fans spontaneously combust apparently wasn’t only viewed by readers. American satellites caught this precious moment as well and got the think tanks pontificating on the damage these two could cause. We’re not just talking the shockwaves from bumping uglies, but also what could happen if these two could and would actually procreate. Again, Waller is a manipulative little gal, so did she mention this to get Steve to sign-on or was it a genuine concern? Maybe a little of both, but it does push Steve over the edge to go recruit his addition to the team CATWOMAN.

JLA PAGES 6-7Just in case the purpose was unclear, after we see vignettes of each character as Waller and Steve discuss their place on the team, the issue ends with a direct match on who in the JLA will take down who on the JUSTICE LEAGUE. Some are clear jumps – Baz against Hal, Martian Manhunter against Superman and Catwoman against Batman. The match-up of Vibe against Flash makes sense, but it makes even more sense if you read VIBE 1 this week. But there are a couple I match-ups I question like Hawkman against Aquaman and Katana against Wonder Woman. In one case they could escape each other by going to their natural habitats and in the other case I think simple sword wielding does not make equal class balancing in a fight.

Finch and Johns go together perfectly and even in the heavy talky scenes between Waller and Trevor, the panels were visually engaging.

So, what about GREEN ARROW who is so prominently displayed on the cover, well that dear reader is a mystery that comes with the price of admission. His fate lies squarely in plot that wild rive this first arc forward.

I’d like to walk away with a suggestion for DC. Your team books are finally starting to come together, but your work is far from done. With the creation of JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA, I know have even less of a reason to read STORMWATCH, which is shame because they are characters I once loved Pre-52. At some point you need to either shit-can STORMWATCH as a the failed experiment it was or actually commit to its place in the DC Universe. Most fans will deride what I’m about to say, but I think the only salvation lies in a cross-over amongst the LEAGUE books and STORMWATCH. “We’re the JUSTICE LEAGUE we’re in charge! Fuck you, were the JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA and we’re in charge bitches!! Fuck all y’all, we’re STORMWATCH and we’ve been in charge since Jesus was in diapers!!!” I know crossovers are a verboten phrase, but when well-planned and crafted they can once again be as epic as they were initially intended to be.

DEATH OF SUPERMAN…AND COMICS…AND AMERICA…OURSELVES

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Death_of_Superman_TPDEATH OF SUPERMAN (REMASTERED)

Writers: Dan Jurgens, Jerry Ordway, Louise Simonson, Roger Stern
Artists: Jon Bogdanove, Tom Grummet, Jackson Guice, Dan Jurgens
Publisher: DC
reviewer: Rob Patey (aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool News)

20 years. Wow.

Were Don McLean writing his homage to our collective demise, American Pie, in the 90s instead of the 70s, I have no doubt this cryptic poem of innocence lost would have reserved a verse for this now remastered DEATH OF SUPERMAN tome:

There is no rhyme or reason why
We fell our savior from the sky
Leaving little room for further grace.

Broken hearts and burning steel,
The culprit didn’t need revealed
Doomsday wore your  very face

 

DEATH OF SUPERMAN not only ushered in the death of comics, or at the very least, crippling of the genre, it also reflected we will never again abide sacred calves. Blame Booth, blame Nixon, blame the loss of religion, blame your neighbor; we begged for the DEATH OF SUPERMAN because the virtues he stood for were no longer a reflection of ourselves. And what are comics, at least good comics, if not the hyperbole of our imagination grounded in reflective moments of the current human condition.  

Now, the maggots that crawled from SUPERMAN’S carcass were splash pages without purpose, anatomical monstrosities, die-cut S shield covers, and polybags that now feel like my Grandmother’s skin after 20 years of storage. Again though, these trappings weren’t the often attributed 90’s death of comics, simply the last Hail Mary to keep a few extra zeroes on print runs.

Death-of-Superman_1DEATH OF SUPERMAN was the true event that put all comics on a respirator and feeding tube. Where else could you go from here? This mammoth storyline that crossed the multitude of SUPERMAN and JUSTICE LEAGUE titles was like a modern retelling of the bible. You had the ultimate fight for good and evil as the cacophony of colorfully clad disciples watched unable to deter destiny. It was a prophetic march that we all knew couldn’t last and in that knowledge we learned continuity was a mantra for a forgotten era. We also learned there is no such thing as consequence when billions of dollars in toys, movies and video game revenue rests on a hero’s shoulders. Death, true death, has no room for awakenings. Comic s has no tolerance for true death, at least in 1992 they didn’t.

It’s hard not to read this book and reflect on the aftermath. But there was no doubt it captured our hearts, minds and the news cycle at the time. The last point was a true rarity in the pre-Internet days when news was actually still a somewhat precious commodity and not vomited out on blogs and web pages en masse.

1992 was my senior year of High School. I was  accepted into my 3 colleges of choice by October, so all I had left to do for the year was make lots of money at Merrill Lynch after school, buy weed with that money, get girls with that weed…and revel in comics. Back in those days we had to revel face-to-face, the comic store was a destination not a retail transaction. For hours, fanboys like myself would debate the virtues of comics with our predecessor fanmen. DEATH OF SUPERMAN kept us talking from Doomsdays’ first appearance out of the ground until the final panel of Kal in Lois’ arms. We were all mesmerized. Again, we knew even then it wouldn’t last, but the excitement of the event back when events weren’t a commodity made it a glorious time to be a collector. I didn’t realize how much the Internet has exponentially increased the quantity of comic conversations, but also exponentially decreased the quality of those interactions. It took me this reread to truly realize what made this series special.

superman emblemPacing! Plain and simple pacing. Doomsday wasn’t a stark reveal, like Monarch in ARMAGEDDON 2001. We also had no clue what was coming next. As Doomsdays visage became clearer, his swath of destruction across America became more brutal and bombastic. Starting with one armed tied behind his back, Doomsday became more than the bloke who killed SUPERMAN, he became the embodiment of fear for well over a year. In one page these artists and writers of yore told us everything we needed to know about this villain, as he first crushes a bird, then a tree, then a house and a family. Even for all of Darkseid’s evil ways, he would never sell out so-called “life” on Apokolips. Doomsday though, as the name implies, was hell bent on the death of everything. And he succeeded in spades.

I’m not a fan of nostalgia or lamenting remember when, I believe human evolution is a building experience that leverages the old and transforms it for the modern age. We’ve lost something since this time period though, and that something is called story. Writers words once flourished when the pacing didn’t have to meet the “Image” model of 3 panel pages and every other page splashes. Jurgens, Stern,  Simonson…these folks delivered character moments that had impact despite their cramped panels. I was an even bigger fan of JLA during this time then Supes himself. Seeing Ice protect a family against Doomsday in a 9 panel page delivered more emotional impact than the entire first arc of the New 52 JUSTICE LEAGUE.

This might all sound like a now Fangeezers lament, but it’s truly not. I still love comics; I love the hyper detail that the new teams of artists deliver. But I will fight tooth and nail any fool who doesn’t say this story is impactful. Not only for the words on the page, but for the way it forever changed comics…and if I can be so bold the perception of the American dream.

Read DEATH OF SUPERMAN again to remember a time when stories truly surprised us before Internet spoilers ruined our sense of wonderment when we first opened a book. Read it for the first time to understand a forgotten craftsmanship in comics. Read it for the new coloring if you choose, I didn’t see a stark difference from my muddled memories. But read it, it’s important.

YOUNG ROMANCE 1 REVIEW: Neither young or romantic, but there’s ladyboys

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YOUNG_ROMANCE_1YOUNG ROMANCE 1

Writers: Nocenti, Castellucci, Fawkes, Milligen, Higgins, Diggle
Artists: Lupacchino, Miranda, Gopez, Bisley, Greene, Rocha
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey (aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool News)

First: compilation books are not bad. I enjoyed the hells bells out of Vertigo’s recent GHOSTS short spooktacular vignettes.

Second: $8 is fine as long as it actually is double the content and it’s good.

Third: YOUNG ROMANCE isn’t bad, just wildly wildly unfocused. One moment you think this Valentine’s day themed title is how a child perceives romance and then the next minute you are cock slapped by the inclusion of a Taiwanese lady-boy.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for lady-boys since men are the ugly side of the species with our ass hair and protruding genitals. The more men that can look like women the more aesthetically pleasing the world becomes I say. ‘Well comics aren’t always for kids Optimous.” Uhhh, they are if it comes complete with Valentine’s day cards that are sized for grade school mass distribution (except to the fat and smelly kids of course). Oh and the title is called YOUNG ROMANCE. Go kid, go adult, I don’t care. But I can say without reservation I don’t want to explain the shemale phenomenon to a 10 year old. I actually had to recently and it wasn’t pretty.

As most compilations the quality is a roller coaster in this title as well, ranging from pretty decent to not decent. Again, none are bad, it’s just the “not decents” were way too short for the creatives to flush out a full story. I think part of the problem is that DC jammed in too much as you can see from the attribution at the top of this article.

All right let’s get into these and hope the world doesn’t implode before I get to six.

CATWOMAN & BATMAN: Nocenti gets women, hands down. Her pacing though is still somewhat frantic as exhibited in recent issues of CATWOMAN and this vignette. I’m also feeling zero sexual energy from the character since Winnick left. CATWOMAN was also kind of a bitch before the New 52 launched; she was robbing from the poor when she and Batman first met.

This was the tale where I really thought this thing would be for kids, since my Grandmother exudes more sex and she’s been dead since 1994.

AQUAMAN & MERA: BEST one in here. This takes place in two times as Mera uncovers a series of love letters from the 1800’s between the original lighthouse owner’s daughter and the love she lost to the sea. The panel placement was original and Miranda’s art is beautiful in both time periods. Kudos also go to coloring for the sepia in the time gone by. Action and true heart prevailed in this vignette.

BATGIRL & THAT DUDE FROM THE ANNUAL: What the sweet fuckity fuck is going on here was all I could think through the first two pages. Remember that guy Babs made out with in the annual? He decids to break into a car in hopes Babs will show up and he can get another kiss. By the end this was endearing as the two discover how alone they are and how love, even unrequited, needs no logic. Still though, in the beginning, Babs was in some poses that not only defied logic but physics as well (ever seen a Batgirl fused to a lightpole – I have).

VALENTINE CARD BREAK: There are 18 of them, each with a different character and they are adorable.

APOLLO & MIDNIGHTER: I felt no heart here, no love, but it did have ladyboys. Apollo ends up in Bangkok because he thinks it’s instructions…or some Asian city, I don’t remember or really care. Anyway he goes looking for Midnighter and starts in the gay-town. Midnighter is actually out fighting crime though, you know like we would all expect Midnighter to be doing. Apollo finds him, Midnighter’s a dick. Apollo goes back to bang a ladyboy. That’s amore bitches!

NIGHTWING & URSA MINOR: Really good action and fun, not a waft of love though.

SUPERMAN & WONDER WOMAN: Second best story hands down. I’m a big fan of this match up and it’s nice to see the two on a date just talking about how apart from the world they feel. Eros helps WONDER WOMAN get the date in a hot spot, but then pulls a double cross. Action, character insight and continuity consequences. Sold!

I don’t hate Valentine ’s Day, I’m a true romantic at heart and that’s really the problem with this tale. These characters don’t have time for love in their lives and this book drove that point home. Apart from the two stories where genuine affection was delivered, this will push all the lonely comic fans over the suicide edge this February 14th.

INJUSTICE: GODS AMONG US 1 REVIEW – Elseworld, We Missed You

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injustice-gods-among-us-1-coverINJUSTICE: GODS AMONG US 1

Writer: Tom Taylor
Artists: Raapack, Miller, Gimenez
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey (Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool News)

I received an early preview of this book, but I’ll admit now I avoided it like the plague. As soon as I read the slugline “From the creators of Mortal Kombat” I kept on keeping on to BATMAN & ROBIN ANNUAL 1.

Comics based on TV, movies, video games and any medium OTHER than comics are 99% atrocious. The 1% of good stuff is very few and far between as math dictates. The last time I actually enjoyed one was DC LEGENDS ONLINE and I’ve read a ton since. I stayed with that comic for months after I let my subscription from the game cancel out (I also got an iMAC, but I really was done with the game before that having level capped in less than 30 days). I gave that comic a chance because generally RPG games have a better chance of transcending to an engaging story and comic than fighting games.

Well, shut my mouth and call me Sally, because my prejudices almost made me miss one of the best damn DC comics to not only come out this week, but since the start of 2013. I always loved ELSEWORLDS and that’s exactly how INJUSTICE reads. Like ARMAGEDDON 2001, INJUSTICE postulates what happens to the world if SUPERMAN becomes damaged goods.

The book starts with BATMAN overlooking a crime free Gotham, an event we all would expect to make BATMAN grin wider than the Joker. His internal monologue on this page was just the start of some exceptional writing on Taylor’s part; he gets these characters to the core and puts more heart than I’ve ever seen into a comic port over. We realize BATMAN’s lament when the page closes with SS like troops marching the streets brandishing the crest of El.

Flashback to five years prior, where we see an insomniac Clark looking at a sleeping Mrs. Kent. Remember back when those two were married and Lois didn’t treat Clark like gum on the bottom of her shoe?  I do, and it was nice to venture back. Again, in a moment of great internal dialog Clark hears a second heartbeat coming from Lois. The scene that follows was simply endearing until Lois gets a call to report on a bribe hand off as it happens. It’s hard for me to quantify what I liked about the two, other than it felt real despite their drastically unreal existences.

What was thought to be a story ends up being a set-up perpetrated by the Joker, but we don’t learn this until another great characterization moment takes place between Supes and Bats. Bats immediately knows Lois is pregnant based on actual detective work looking at Superman’s demeanor, but is then bat-surprised when asked to be the Godfather. I laughed out loud at his less than emotional response.

This book is rife with so many consequences you will wish it is main continuity. I love Jimmy Olsen, which is why there was so much weight and impact when he gets a bullet through his lens straight through to his eye. Artists and writer should be proud for the impact of this scene.

Once Superman and Batman realize the Joker is behind things, you see a JUSTICE LEAGUE scramble to find out where The Joker took Lois, and how the Scarecrow who also ends up shuffling off his mortal coil fits into the scheme. It’s good, really good. So is the JUSTICE LEAGUE. Flash, Wonder Woman, Batman and Superman all use their powers to the fullest appropriateness. In just a few panels, again you realize Taylor gets the characters. DC, let’s give this guy a real book soon please, he deserves it.

I’m not going to spoil the final catalyst that pushes Superman to his dark totalitarian future. Suffice to say it’s clever, very comicy, and far more impactful than the accident that made him all Hitlery back in ARMAGEDDON 2001 when Lois died.

The art team also deserves a shout out. I’m sure part of this has to do with the game design, but these costumes are fucking awesome. Think everything that was great about the pre-52 costumes and the cool stuff from the New 52 and there you have it. Also, even though there are three artist, hand-off was seamless. I didn’t even really notice until I sat down to write the attribution for this review.

I won’t play the game because I hate fighters to the core of my being, but  I will read every last mother loving page of this series.

SUPERMAN 14 – SALVATION FOUND IN H’EL

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SUPERMAN 14 COVERSUPERMAN 14

Writer: Scott Lobdell
Artist: Kenneth Rocafort
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey ( aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t It Cool News)

“You take the old, you take the new, you take them both and you have the glue for Supes’ facts of life, facts of life.”

No, it’s not just my lingering boyhood crush for Lisa Welchel that made this old Alan Thicke ditty pop into my head. After a year of utter confusion for the Man of Steel I think RocLobster has finally been able to find the secret sauce to make SUPERMAN work in the context of the NEW 52. H’EL on earth is not only a great read from a solitary story perspective, but it’s the first true signs of cohesion amongst all DC titles allowing for some true honest-to-God universe building.

I applaud Perez’s and Morrison’s early efforts on both ACTION and SUPERMAN, but they were working under some crazy editorial mandates for Big Blue. I “think” the plan was to have ACTION be the introduction to “Superman” the character, where SUPERMAN the title was supposed to establish the world of Metropolis and all of Clark’s pals. But the “five years before” mandate and no consistent voice for SUPERMAN in any title made for decent solitary issues, but a messershit of confusion for Supes’ place in the DC Universe. I’m not even going to bring JUSTICE LEAGUE into this conversation because that was a whole other grab-bag of Super doldrums for Clark (me blue, me punch, me sulk).

Here’s the thing though, SUPERMAN’S world isn’t that interesting without SUPERMAN. Learning that media outlets are dying and Lois Lane will prostitute her integrity to the first media mogul that comes along will only carry a comic so far. I don’t care about Lois, Jimmy or Perry without Clark, no matter how many Lois-Nazis write me about the importance of Lois Lane in the DC Universe (yes, they exist by thousands, I would be happy to share the hate mail from my SUPERMAN EARTH ONE review).

Now, I was able to follow these stories and confusions because I’m older than Moses’ balls. At 38 I have lived through several iterations of SUPERMAN and read thousands of books that let my feeble mind easily fill in gaping chasms of logic and feeling. New readers had my deepest sympathy and anyone who asked me over the past year, “what book should little Johnny or Sally read if they like SUPERMAN?” immediately received my endorsement for ACTION, and ironically not SUPERMAN. Not because Morrison is a great child writer, but because that was closest to the essence of Supes.

H’EL on earth finally ends the confusion. With this first Super Crossover, RocLobster and the others have been able to bring clarity by not abandoning the past year, but consolidating it quickly and concisely. Yes, Lois is still an integrity whore to the whims of Morgan Edge, but there aren’t entire issues focused to the decline of print media and sacrificing real news for infotainment. Clark recently quit the Daily Planet because of this moral conundrum and all you need to know about this is plain as day in the opening panels of SUPERMAN 14. Lois is trying to bring Clark back into the media fold until their visit is interrupted by the appearance of Supes’ cousin Kara-El. Now, I will say that Clark’s former red-panties getting into a bunch about Lois shacking up with her boy-toy seems out of place since he has shown no romantic interest in Lois up until now (NEW 52 not old continuity), but I’ll let it slide, again because I know this will be an inevitable pairing…perhaps. Also since he’s smooshing face with WONDER WOMAN now, which is wonderfully alluded to in this interchange, I have to wonder why he truly does care. But the super heart wants what it wants I guess. I’ll also say the moment when Kara entered left me conflicted. On one hand it was hilarious. On the other hand, I think Lois has lost her nose for news immediately assuming the woman standing before her is a Cosplayer instead of the exact replica of the chick who’s been tossing tanks on the news. Considering this a fan-boy nit though, and a bygone since it was executed so damn well.

I had an issue with the heavy BOX OUT bubbles in SUPERMAN 13. What has worked so well in RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS felt like lazy exposition to me in the context of SUPERMAN. That’s corrected as well this issue, with only a few scant thought bubbles to draw new readers into the crossover.

The rest of the issue plays out as a knockdown drag-out between this new third Kryptonian, H’EL, and Supes. Kara sits on the fence, still not loving Earth, but certainly not feeling the disdain H’EL does. In very Zod like fashion, H’El, a former disciple of Jor-El and one of Krypton’s first astronauts (that’s how he got to Earth), thinks anyone from Krypton should be in charge of Earth and also has a real disdain for the hybrid clone SUPERBOY. It was actually kind of fun to see SUPERBOY tossed around like a Ritalin baby’s Stretch Armstrong. Apparently, like in the Star Wars universe, Clones only spell bad news and caused a lot of trouble in Krypton’s distant past.

The family dynamic between Kal and Kara is all New 52 while still holding on to ghosts of the past. It’s refreshing to see this commitment to what worked before and not abandoning it. Kara has to grapple with her younger cousin now being older and not remembering Krypton. While Kal must try to babysit a superbrat to ensure she doesn’t cause bad PR for Kryptonians everywhere.

No idea where this series is going to end up and frankly I don’t care. For one reason, I really like surprises. The other reason being I already have Tweeted confirmation from Scott Snyder that his run starting in January will take the series in a new direction. I will also give leeway to any book Rocafort draws. His abandonment for traditional panels and flair for cinematic moments are bar none. He makes the books move even if you don’t read one word bubble.

H’EL on Earth is exactly what the doctor ordered to redeem the Man of Steel, bind the DC universe together, and whet appetites for the when the new DC Golden Boy takes the reigns next month.

JUSTICE LEAGUE 14 REVIEW – JOHNS IS GETTING HIS GROOVE BACK

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JUSTICE LEAGUE 14 COVERJUSTICE LEAGUE 14

Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Tony Daniel & Gary Frank
Publisher: DC
Reviewer: Rob Patey (aka Optimous Douche – Ain’t it Cool News)

It took a year, but I think Johns is finally finding his groove on this book. Well, let me be more succinct: I think Johns has finally found his groove to appeal to a broader range of comic consumers.

To say this book was a failure the first year is myopic and stupid, it was THE bestselling book for the first six months after launch. Also, kids are eating this book up with one of their stupid little safety sporks. The main grumblings have come from us old timers who compare the title to the volumes sitting inside our brain vaults. Even with the thin and often inconsistent characterization compared to the JL members’ main books, the New 52 JUSTICE LEAGUE after launch was 10x better than where the book was post FINAL CRISIS. Hell, I remember two issues in those dark days where in one issue the Holy Trinity were swapping hero pictures like baseball cards to form a new team. Exciting huh? Then there was the cover where the Big 3 were walking away from the JL logo with their shoulders slumped…some say it was a good-bye and fresh start…I firmly believe it was shame.

With the New 52, JUSTICE LEAGUE at least had a plan. All comic aficionados should appreciate this.  However the plan was heavy on art and very light on heart, Johns was given little space to do what he does best – turn a trope into a human. Not human human, but you know what I mean. Without humanity to these superbeings, we should all just keep rereading the Golden Age and call it a day.

Issue 14 succeeds for one reason and one reason alone…contact. No not the Jodie Foster movie. What I mean is the contact between SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN. If you read JUSTICE LEAGUE on its own, these are the loneliest characters on the team. They are Gods amongst mortals. Every fellow member of the team was once human in some capacity, they can at least relate to the human condition even if they no longer are mere mortals. SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN are true outsiders, yet they revere and long to be one with the human race. As comic collectors we always felt these two should be together and I applaud Johns for making this a courtship versus a wham bam thank you ma’am. Like most couples, the woman is never satisfied…I mean WONDER WOMAN isn’t satisfied with only knowing the Super and not the Man. So Supes introduces her to Clark. The part where he takes her to Clark’s favorite diner would have been awesome; it was a nice “show and tell” of the reason why Superman helps humanity. I say “would of”, because they wore their costumes. It’s tough to have a conversation when you are the two most powerful beings on earth. Would have gone civvies for this scene. However, the moment when they go to the Kansas farm that was perfect in tone and emotion.

The Cheetah storyline also ends before this event. It was all right. Daniel’s a more than welcome addition to this book, but one of WONDER WOMAN’S B-List villains simply doesn’t seem sponge worthy to me. Sorry.

Before we get into the SHAZAM there is an ominous last two panels that set BATMAN on a path he’s been down before and has always led to ruin. Will be cool to see how they twist it in the New 52.

Finally we have the backup SHAZAM story. SWEET HOLY FUCKITY FUCK WAS THIS GOOD. It makes zero sense to me why this isn’t a solo book yet. I can only guess it’s because SHAZAM is going to join the League in 2013. At least I hope so, because I want more, much more. For this vignette we see Black Adam discovering the world for the first time and his arrogance is amped up to 11. A little murder, a discovery that magic has been stolen from the world and the resurrection of the first sin of man, Sloth, made me scream at the page when this quick moment was over.

This issue proves JUSTICE LEAGUE is salvageable for Fangeezers. My personal opinion, they need a big bad guy to fight. The fallacy with the Darkseid arc was no development of Darkseid. Likewise the two arcs after never really explored the psychology of the villain. Slow it down guys; we’ll be patient with you I promise.

WEDNESDAY COMICS Way Back Review 7-8-09

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Wednesday ComicsWEDNESDAY COMICS #1
Writers: Lots of Guys at DC
Artists: Likewise
Publisher: DC Comics (Obviously)
Reviewer: Rob Patey ( aka Optimous Douche - Ain’t It Cool News)

The View from 2012: Still hate this for every reason I mentioned in my review. Although, I’ll admit a reading of the trade might be more tolerable.

This was a lot like dry humping for three hours. Damn enjoyable in parts, mildly chafing in other parts and a climax that you know is just seconds away, but sadly never cums (bar-um-pum). Why? Because you have to wait until next week for 8 more panels, the next stream of consciousness, a new character to enter and have enough time to maybe introduce themselves. In an age of immediate gratification and an ever increasing fan-base of trade waiters salivating for full completed stories, this cartoon strip newspaper concept defies all logic. There’s some good stuff inside these pages, but this format is simply painful.

Also, not to be cheap or anything, but…$4.00 for 15 pages of stories on paper quality so poor that Ben Franklin could have used it to roll his joints seems like an egregious screwing of the fan-base. The last time I was taken advantage of like this, she/he at least bought me dinner first, was kind enough to give me a roofie and I never had to pull out my wallet once. The big houses have always justified price increases by delivering a more polished product; how they justify the spartan WEDNESDAY COMICS at $4.00 an unfolding simply boggles my mind.

Now perhaps there is a demographic out there that has a nostalgic fondness for receiving this rationed depression-era style of doling out a story. Well, demographic, this run-down is for you.

When you transform WEDNESDAY COMICS from its Comic Shop News layout (did your comic shop confuse the two? Mine did) to newspaper format you are greeted with an…ad. Granted it’s a really cool ad announcing the DVD release of “Robot Chicken”’s Episode II, but yeah, it’s still an ad. Keep unfolding and the first story presents it self:

BATMAN: Azzarello/Risso: “Every time I turn this on it’s like I’m signaling failure.” Wow, what a great line delivered by Jim Gordon about the Bat signal. Batman basically agrees and we find out a millionaire has been kidnapped. The millionaire will be killed at midnight and there are no ransom demands. Midnight strikes on the clock…end! Batman is obviously Bruce Wayne (he’s a douche) and by the bat graphic in the intro panel we can assume this vignette is a nod to the golden age. Risso’s art supports my theory, and quite well I might add.

KAMANDI: Gibbons/Sook: The last boy on earth laments being the last boy on earth as he paddles through a submerged New Your City. I’m not a huge fan of dialogue free, narrative heavy comics, but I won’t fault anyone for this approach. Unless Kamandi has a volleyball in front of him with a face painted on it, it would be rather silly for him to speak out loud. This piece ends with Kamandi meeting a mysterious stranger.

SUPERMAN: Arcudi/Bermejo: Superman is fighting an alien that ends up reaching out to him telepathically. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Bermejo’s art, though, is spectacular – where have they been hiding this guy? He’s not The Gimp, let him out of the basement and put him on a real book please.

DEADMAN: Bullock/Heuck: Again, too much narrative. I now see a pattern forming and I’m reminded of why I’m not a big fan of the Silver Age, where narrative ruled over dialogue. Basically, you learn who Deadman is.

GREEN LANTERN: Busiek/Quinones: One of my two favorites in this comic newspaper. I was a huge fan of NEW FRONTIER and this takes the same tonality and approach. Busiek does what he does best, telling the story from the vantage point of the little people instead of the hero.

METAMORPHO: Gaiman/Allred: My second favorite; I simply love good old deprecation. This was like a trip back to X-STATIX and JUSTICE LEAGUE EUROPE all rolled into one. METAMORPHO pays homage to the Silver Age while unmercifully mocking it. Misogyny and sexism abound; this was like a modern day sensitive metrosexual visiting AMC’s MAD MEN.

TEEN TITANS: Berganza/Galloway: I hate the DC “kid book” style of art, so I went into this one with a bad taste on first glance. However, Berganza takes a page from Johns’ portrayal of Lex Luthor, which I found interesting. Are the bad guys really bad or just misunderstood?

STRANGE ADVENTURES: Pope: I love Paul Pope, but I’ve never been a big ADAM STRANGE fan. Basically Ranagar gets attacked by space pirates.

SUPERGIRL: Palmiotti/Conner: OK, so Supergirl is back to being a cute kid instead of a role model for camwhores. Cool. She chases Krypto and her cat.

METAL MEN: Didio/Lopez/Nowlan: If the Metal Men have the mentality of children why didn’t Rex Hunter shrink them in stature? Because right now they come across as mongoloid adults. Rex takes the metal gang to a bank to learn how the banks will collapse in the next few years. A heist occurs, yet Rex holds the metalloids at bay, except gold…naughty, naughty gold.

WONDER WOMAN: Caldwell: Look, kids, Wonder Woman is now a 14 year old Japanese girl that drops acid before bed. I don’t know what was going on in this thing. The panels bleed together more than a suicidal hemophiliac and Wonder Woman floats while talking to some birds. Pass…

SGT. ROCK and EASY CO.: Kubert/Kubert: Nazis beat the piss out of old Sarge.

FLASH & IRIS WEST: Kerschel/Fletcher: Probably the most complete story of the collection, Grodd has Barry Allen by the short hairs chasing the electrical current of a bomb. After chasing to the supposed destination, Allen learns that Grodd pulled a fast one and is going after his girl Iris. Iris’ story is more of her whining that Barry is never there for her and the bitch leaves a note to end their marriage. Ahh, only in the 60s was divorce so void of emotion.

THE DEMON & CATWOMAN: Simonson/Stelfreeze: OK, my whole Silver Age theme theory is blown out of the water when Selina Kyle is casing the Demon’s house and she mentions how she Googled him. Boy, will she be in for a surprise in three weeks when we get to part 1 of 12 of the actual robbery.

HAWKMAN: Baker: I loved the POV on this one letting the story be told by one of the eagles under Hawkman’s control as they go after an airliner that has been hijacked.

One of the reasons I read comics is for the consequences and how they transcend throughout the entire universe. While each story had some palpable danger, with so many Silver and Golden Age nods to coincide with the delivery format, nothing really seems to matter in WEDNESDAY COMICS.

I had some fun with several of the vignettes, and perhaps in a “$2.00 – 10 pages a week” format I would be more enticed to stay with the more enjoyable stories. But in this format, with the hefty price tag I’ll just keep buying my regular comics on Wednesday…not WEDNESDAY COMICS. You know what? Even the fucking name is confusing. I’m done…

ACTION COMICS #864 4-30-08

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Action Comics 864ACTION COMICS #864
Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Joe Prado
Publisher: DC Comics
Reviewer: Rob Patey (aka  Optimous Douche Ain’t It Cool News)

Two stories came out last week told from the viewpoint of an omniscient all knowing entity. The first, of course, is DC UNIVERSE 0, which was told by a character that can travel through time, parallel worlds and is somehow tied to lightning. I know the AP wire said this marked the return of Barry Allen, but personally I think DC is resurrecting America’s first super hero – Ben Franklin Man, who can oppress the masses with a wry smile and doddery.

The second (and far superior) deity-inspired narrative was found in this latest installment of ACTION.

I was expecting greatness from this book simply because the story oozed from the pen of Geoff Johns, but I wasn’t ready for the importance that this book would have on the entire DC Universe.

After the end of the tremendous six part Legion story that ended last month, and in light of the universe shake down in coming months, I was fully expecting this story to be nothing more than filler, perhaps “A Day in the Life” story or some one-shot of a second-rate villain wrecking havoc on the Daily Planet.

I was not ready for this issue to kick off the second most important event on the DC publishing calendar – LEGION OF THREE WORLDS (LTW). My cynical nature and history with comic books had me prepared to shell out my hard earned ducats for a series of one-shots and insipid overly bloated countups, countdowns or count Choculas to kick off this event. Well thank you, Mr. Johns, for not only writing an important book from a continuity perspective, but also for crafting it in your usual masterful fashion.

CRISIS connections aside, Johns once again delivers top notch goods from a characterization and story-telling perspective. The entire story is narrated from the perspective of the Time Trapper, who is being set up to be the chief foil in the coming LTW title. Johns could have taken the easy route. He could have emulated his lesser peers by making this villain just a pure embodiment of evil, complete with lots of hand wringing and mwahahaha moments. Instead he gave the character a true voice, complete with some ironically hilarious disdain for Batman.

Speaking of Batman, he truly gets raked over the coals in this issue. From his tête-à-têtes with Lighting Lad to his utter insignificance in the grand scheme of history, it’s clear where Johns’ superhero affinity lies. I’m OK with all of this, Batman is kind of douche when you think about it. Perhaps that’s why I’m less apt to chastise Miller for his work on ALL STAR BATMAN & ROBIN.

I can’t leave this review without a mention on Prado’s artistry, because for 99.99% of this book his pencils are a thing of beauty. I have never seen the phenomenon before where every scene is meticulously detailed and engrossing, with the exception of the main character. There are many different ways to render the Man of Steel, and I am far from being a fan of the engorged Kennedy jaw line that Clark Kent usually possesses.

However, for one brief moment before I bought this title, I thought I had mistakenly missed my comic shop, walked into Blockbuster and was looking at the jacket for the movie “Rocky Balboa”. For anyone that saw Rocky’s swan song a few years ago, you’ll know that Sly no longer looks like Sly. Instead he looks like Sly after getting face raped by a swarm of killer bees. He’s still in great shape for a guy his age, but let’s be honest: time takes its toll on all of us. If all I have to worry about is being a little paunchy in forty years I will consider it a blessing, but you know what, I’m not Superman. Poetic license is one thing, but to render Superman as paunchy with a schnozz that looks like it was broken, reset and then had two kryptonite dildos shoved in each nostril is not how Superman is supposed to look. This, however, is a nit, an insignificant faux pas in what was otherwise one of the best damn issues I’ve ever read of ACTION.

If someone is holding a gun to your head and gives you the choice between only reading DC UNIVERSE 0 and ACTION 864, pony up the $2.49 difference in price, buy ACTION and catch up on FINAL CRISIS in the actual pages of FINAL CRISIS.