FINAL CRISIS #4 (of 7) 10-22-08

The view from 2012: This wasn’t my review, but I am quoted as saying how little this event changed the DC Universe. Ohhh how wrong I was – this made continuity such a mess that New 52 was a necessity.

Final Crisis 4FINAL CRISIS #4 (of 7)
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artists: JG Jones, Carlos Pacheco and Jesus Merino
Published by: DC Comics
Reviewed by: BottleImp(with lotsa help from the rest of the @$$Holes)

“I have been reading all of the ancillary titles for FC and guess what? You don’t fucking need to. Just like we didn’t need to read 52 or COUNTDOWN or any of the muppet baby crises that we were told we had to read. Here’s FINAL CRISIS in a nutshell. The big three get sidelined. Darkseid first gets his ass kicked by Orion, becomes a nightclub owner and then broadcasts the anti-life equation. Libra was important, now I can’t find him or what he’s up to. Barry Allen returns to a world ruled by the broadcast anti-life equation. Yes, we waited this long for fucking algebra.” –Optimous Douche

“Yeah, FINAL CRISIS and DC in general is a mess. None of the titles reflect any of these big changes going on. Wonder Woman is a she-dog in FC, but fighting Beowulf in her own title. Barbara coming out to the Tattooed Man? Lower level crook or not, she would not just be out in the open like that. And what about Ollie introducing basically all of the Flash’s family to the same criminal? Because it worked so well in IDENTITY CRISIS when criminals knew about the family of heroes. On top of that, we’ve got too much unexplained shit going on. Morrison is flitting around from Turpin to Tattooed Man to Ollie to Mister Miracle. No real cohesion. No care that the reader may not know these people. And the rest of DC is just suffering for it. They are cowering in fear that because of the negative feedback they received when the New Gods dies three times last year, they are telling stories that don’t relate to this supposedly giant crisis. Why do we need a FINAL CRISIS tie in focusing on Geo Force or Black Lightning?” –Ambush Bug

“The irony for me is while you say why do we need a Geo Force/Black Lightening tie in, I actually found that aside more compelling than the main title, which I find sort of hard to get into. In fact I think most of the side light books are tons better than the main attraction.”-Jinxo 

“It just looks like DC doesn’t have a plan here. And can’t have a plan, because Morrison doesn’t have a plan. He may have one, but he’s not telling anyone. That’s why none of the main titles are referencing FINAL CRISIS and that’s why the ties the other BATMAN books have with RIP don’t go past the extent of “I don’t want to talk about the Batman thing right now.” To DC, that’s a crossover mention that is worth putting a RIP banner across the cover. I call bullshit. DC needs to learn that you can’t make a stable table with one or two legs. When that one leg fails to support the rest, the table topples over. That’s what’s happening with DC.”-Bug

“Come up with something original. Calling Morrison’s book FINAL CRISIS is a laugh. What will be the “final” outcome of this? I can’t see it. There’s no way they are going to allow the entire DCU to be a dark cesspool. INFINITE CRISIS irrevocably changed things, this book will not. I’m not hating it, and I like to see the little guy shine, but you could have just as easily called the thing Darkseid’s Revenge or something….”-OD

The preceding quotes were taken from @$$Hole email exchanges. Are you reading this, DC editorial staff? Do you see the problems that keep cropping up in regards to this “major event” book? ‘Cause even though the plot itself isn’t bad—always interesting to see heroes up against seemingly insurmountable odds—this title isn’t living up to the hype surrounding it. Events in FC have no bearing on the vast majority of DC’s comic titles…why should the reader be concerned about a character–say, Superman–when it is made perfectly clear in the three Superman family titles that he’s doing just dandy off on his own little adventure?

It’s this lack of cohesion that really kills this miniseries. No matter what good things may come out of it (personally, I find Morrison’s explanation of Kirby’s mysterious “Anti-Life Equation” to be fairly interesting, and at least makes it clear why Darkseid’s spent so much time looking for the darn thing), FC is doomed by poor planning and false advertising. As Optimous Douche wrote, FC is not the be-all, end-all of the DC Universe. It’s not going to change anything. Just take it for what it is—an overblown miniseries that’s been stretched over far too much time and far too many ancillary titles, and a story that is nowhere near as compelling as Dan DiDio or Grant Morrison would like us to believe.

Also, Kalibak now looks like a grumpy version of Mr. Tawny, the Talking Tiger. What the fuck is that about?

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