Dear Rob Advice – Polish American Oppression, Bill Cosby & Comic Reviewing

1146506_10151595136021149_2082735482_nHere are just some of the people I’ve helped already! Submit your questions in the comments or via email – because this is the face of caring!

 

 

Dear Rob, 

Why is there such a bias against the Polish? As a Polish American I am saddened by such things as lack of a heroic representation of my ethnicity. Shouldn’t there for example… be a superhero named Ninjaski that wields pirogi throwing stars, kielbasa numbchucks and pig in the blanket bombs? Think about it. The world has failed to see our potential. Regardski, Paczkowski.

Great Question Dave,
And congratz (to use aPolish phrase) on your literacy. This question truly touches on two subjects close to my heart. The oppression of millions of pollocks and comic books.

polish-americanLet’s start with the most important, comics. Believe it or not, but there once was a polish Superhero named The Wolvekawitz. Sadly, the all Polish creative team thought 5 comes after 1, then 3, and then cat. So many readers did not know whether they should go from one to cat to 14 to hi mom to 2 and the story which was a fairly cohesive narrative considering, became a jumbled mess of a hero dooming the universe shortly after saving it.

Now as for the mistreatment of the Polish American, this like all prejudices must be stopped. The belief that you’re all stupid is about as silly as the Earth revolving the sun and voting bears. Believe it or not this plight affects me as well too plus, I you see am a Pukranian. The Polish invaded the part of the Ukraine my Grandmother lived in as a young girl. The soldiers forced their language upon her as fiercely as they did their desires on the horses.

So you see Dave, I too have suffered this deep and enduring insult on our think pieces that make thought come out….

Ohhh I just got a poke….squirrels….

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Dear Rob, 
Why do people think Bill Cosby is funny?

Great Question Ryan,
Because of slavery. It’s racist not to laugh at Bill Cosby.

bill-cosby-not-funnyNow for how much you laugh, is directly proportional to the altitude and wrinkles on your balls.

Older folks must find Bill Cosby funnier because they are closer to once being slave owners. Also remember, when Bill Cosby was in his heyday as a stand-up comedian people only had him or the show Laugh In to watch. Given the choice between the two people preferred to ease “The White Man’s Guilt” versus watching a bunch of people tripping balls repeating the phrase “Sock it to me” for 60 minutes.

Now you might wonder why the Cosby show was so popular in the 80s, when there were more entertainment choices available. People did not watch the show for enjoyment, they merely tuned in to see how badly Cos would destroy sweater fashion and hopefully get an answer as to why a man would wear one year round.

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Dear Rob,
What do you do when you’ve gotten used to writing comic book reviews for a site for years, and for the past year the admin of said site has been inconsistent when uploading said reviews. What would be the next best step to take?

Great Question Anonymous,
What you’re referring to is a classic power play between Internet elites. Admins, like comic nerds, have an epic sense of false perceived power and entitlement. In both cases the parties treat others and one another like bat guano found on the bottom of Alfred Pennyworth’s shoes.

comic-nerdFirst: There are a MILLION comic sites out there. If you are not getting paid or comps from publishers, chances are you write for a site no one gives a shit about. Check your traffic numbers, is anyone reading your pieces? If the answer is no comps, no money and no traffic, what the hell are you doing with your life?

Second: If you are getting comps, cash or traffic tread cautiously. Now this mealy mouthed admin has all the power.

Third: You still want results, how good of a writer are you? Can you get published on another site with relative ease that has the same prominence as the one you are writing for.

Fourth: If the answer to the above is yes, tell the current side to suck your bat balls. Sites need fresh and original content especially since Google updated their algorithm this year to discount keyword stuffing. Basically, they need you more than you need them – assuming your writing isn’t shit.

Finally: If you are a shit writer, you’re screwed. Enjoy a life begging and being under the thumb of men who have never touched a woman’s breasts. If you have the goods with the pen though, you have a few trump cards. SO PLAY THEM!!!!!

 

 

 

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