Dear Rob Advice – 42 Meaning of Life, Angry Cripple, Twerking

1146506_10151595136021149_2082735482_nHere are just some of the people I’ve helped already! Submit your questions in the comments or via email – because this is the face of caring!

Dear Rob:
Is the answer to life, the universe, and everything really 42, and if so, what, exactly is the question?

Great Question Leo,
For the unwashed masses who don’t understand the power and beauty of Sci-Fi or British humor we should mention that 42 was postulated as the answer to everything by Douglas Adams in “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”

42-meaning-of-lifeNow that the dummy paragraph is out of the way, we should probably be frank with each other, nerd-a-nerdo as they say and finally realize that Douglas Adams was a Sci-Fi writer and British, so really much of what he said was “for a laugh” or “taking a piss” with us.

I understand your confusion though, as American’s we think all things British people say are factual because they spawned us. Just as we believe everything our parents say until a certain age, all Americans will believe what a Brit says because they are from the Motherland. Look at how they made us all say shrubbery back in the 70’s and our entire time through college. If the President asked us to say shrubbery we would laugh in his face – when a Brit does it though it’s good night nurse here comes the babbling American again.

The secret to the universe is actually Oonup Badoo Cluck Cluck as prophesied by One-Legged Son of Chief in the year 3500 BC. The question is quite simply, what’s behind door #2.

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 Dear Rob,
When you have to look up to see rock bottom, how many fucks should you give about pissing people off?

Great Question Eric,
The amount of fucks one should give on pissing people off is directly proportional to the need you have for those individuals.

Presumably when one is in dire straits their need for others increases in direct proportion to their ailments and infirmities physically or mentally.

Now of course the mentally ill can’t discern this need for people. Actually in most cases they can’t discern people from a piece of balsa wood, so let’s take them out of the equation.

angry-crippleNow the physically wanting though, need the kindness of others. Does this mean they should take crap from someone because some able-bodied (spit) opens a door or gets something off the top shelf? Hell no, there are others who will help with no strings attached, one simply needs to look and show the kindness in their crippled heart.

As for the rock bottom statement, you’re only there when you’re dead. As long as you have breath in your lungs, a body OR A MIND, you have not hit rock bottom.

Let’s go back to our grand plan for the stupid of this world. Through dialog we found use for these people to serve as fuel for our lavish smart people train cars as we tour the country espousing smart stuff. See even the stupid have a purpose.

There’s a job for everyone in this world, problem is we have no leaders with vision right now. Few willing to put in the hard work to help those who are lost find a purpose. If you have a brain in your head, write policy, write stories, change the world for changing the world not the end profit. If you have breath in your lungs, let’s get a blow tube in there so you can power a generator creating clean reusable power. This is going to be a huge component of the President Patey 2016 campaign. Lavish train cars for the smart coupled with stupid/cripple fuel.

There is no rock bottom as long as there are those that love you. There is no amount of shit any of us should take unless it is the true last resort. And then when they finish helping, head butt in the junk.

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 Dear Rob,
Do you think that we, as a culture, can agree upon never using the word “Twerking” ever again? Thanks.

Great Question Pat,
This too shall pass. Not our obsession with ass, simply this term for it.

Love of ass is as human as the clothes on our backs and cars. The ass and obsession therein is after all the well spring of life.

Since man could write on cave walls the ass has been a focal point of our endeavors. There are actually 4,000 references to ass in the bible since thou was what the ancients called ass.

This poem by Lord Byron shows ass in the renaissance period:
“My ladies dumper doth ripple with age
What once was flat looks like the sea after a storm
My longfellow softens, though her wisdom is sage
The stable masters daughter is 13 and ready for mating”

miley-twerkFlash forward to the 1960’s since most historical records were lost when those damn dirty Yankees burned Atlanta, we start seeing euphemisms for ass arise with code words like “Tail feathers”

Then in the 2000’s we see Tailfeather rise again from wise poets like Nelly. Then country music got in on the fun with a Badonkadonk.

Twerking is just the latest and soon to pass description for show me dat ass.

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