Dear Rob Advice – Twins Just Replacement Parts, Patey Train Wreck, Is What It Is

1146506_10151595136021149_2082735482_nHere are just some of the people I’ve helped already! Submit your questions in the comments or via email – because this is the face of caring!

Dear Rob:

As a twin, people often ask me if my brother and I have shared abilities (one of us gets hurt/other feels the pain, telepathic link, et al). Mostly I tend to either give them a blank stare, or just keep applying pressure to their throat. (I get asked a lot…)

Anyhoo, the question still remains: is there truth to whether twins have shared skills between each other?

Great Question Leo,
The answer is absolutely yes, you and your Brother are just in denial. It’s understandable, most humans want to be special and unique. To find that we are just living replacement parts for another human is a tough pill to swallow.

sad-twinsMy Mother is a twin, she and her Brother share a bond that’s undeniable. When he started reading Playboy, she became a lesbian. When he became gay, Mom switched sides and married Dad. When he had his prostate removed my Mother’s miraculously disappeared as well. Seriously, no trace of it – like magic.

Conjoined twins though are an abomination of God and should be beaten with a stick until they either separate or die.

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Dear Rob,
How is it that you are equal parts fascinating and terrifying?

Great Question Leslie,
The how is easy, I’m a combo of sociopath, schizophrenic and Jersey.

The why is the question that will reflect back on the self and illuminate the truth.

patey-train-wreckThe fascinating part is easy, human beings love to watch train wrecks. I take that back, we love the seconds before the train wreck, when the locomotive is careening out of control uncertain as to whether it will hit the wall or stay on the tracks. People have been waiting 39 years for the track to give way.

The terrifying part is the true introspection of self. Within my lunacy and insane ramblings lies a modicum of truth or at the very least food for thought. I’ve never pulled punches, and in that process I have made friends and enemies alike, but none forget my words. When one laughs or feels rage towards my views it’s because it affects a part of them – if one is affected something resonated and that can be pretty scary.

Brett GentileJoshua KarlovichKevin Bean Megan SnellDavid GigliottiBeth HinderliterEric Rummel and Chris Smith are still suffering from PTSD from having to read and memorize Sedgewick.

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Dear Rob,
I can’t stand when people use the response “It is what it is”. What can I do when someone parrots that useless phrase?

Great Question Jude, 
I’m going to borrow a bit from one of my favorite movies growing up, Roxanne, to answer this question. There are a multitude of ways to retort to this passive-aggressive form of disagreement:

Obvious: “It is what it is. LET ME SPEAK LOUDER SO YOU CAN ACTUALLY ANSWER MY F%$#ING QUESTION.”

Meteorological: “It is what is. Tell that to residents of Katrina, go on I dare you!”

Fashionable: “It is what it is. Same thing you said when picking up that shirt at Salvation Army and then wept uncontrollably as drove past the mall on your way home?”

Personal: “It is what it is. The first words your Father said when you were born.”

Punctual: “It is what it is indeed. And what it is right now, time for me to do your Mom.”

Envious: “It is what it is. You must work that brain as much as you work those biceps you sexy space astronaut.”

Naughty: “It is what it is. Bend over, I must have a baby with someone who possesses this level of genius.”

it is what it isPhilosophical: “Is what it is what it is or is what it is what it was is or could one day be?”

Commercial: “It is what it is and other innocuous statements can be yours today with one simple lobotomy and four easy payments of $19.95.”

Humorous: “What did Ishmael say to Issac? Is what it is. Palestine was never the same again.”

Polite: It is what it is. Thank you, I would be lost without your wisdom. hug?”

Melodic: “It what it is. And what it is is trouble trouble trouble trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P that stands for pool.”

Or you could simply do the world a favor, fall on them until they can no longer breathe.

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