1146506_10151595136021149_2082735482_nHere are just some of the people I’ve helped already! Submit your questions in the comments or via email – because this is the face of caring!


Dear Rob,

Do you believe that cats love wigs? I do.

Great Question Jim,
I do believe cats love wigs, but not because of this clever marketing ploy. As a minion of Satan myself, I know all of the design, user experience traps to guide the eyes to buying calls-to-action and general scumbaggery my fellow marketers employee to siphon dollars from your wallet.

kittywigsNo, I believe cats love wigs because they are both woven in the same layer of hell before cast upon this earth to end humanity. While wigs are woven on the East side of hell’s 8th layer and wigs on the West side both divisions are run by the same director – Judas of Iscariot.

Cats love wigs because they know it only helps in bringing forward the Capocalypse.


Dear Rob,
Is Sacha Baron Cohen a misunderstood genius, or do I need to keep huffing glue and beating my head against various wall to get his comedy? Because honestly…I just don’t think he’s really that clever…

Great Question Leo,
SBC is a case of classic over exposure in the media for a one trick pony.

borat-bruno-aligHe basks in what I like to the modern “uncomfortable” humor. Now, unlike other pieces in this genre (i.e. THE OFFICE) his was based on a sense of anonymity. Ali G, Borat and Bruno are about us laughing at the squirming of others because they aren’t in on the joke. I find enjoyment of this genre to be a generational divide – Baby Boomers hate it, everyone else loves it. From our Facebook friendship, even though you are younger your sensibilities seem to lead towards our parents’ generation.

I loved the early days of Ali G and especially Borat. Part of this was personal, my heritage is Pukranian (Polish Ukrainian) so I have Borat’s in my family.

By the time Bruno hit though everyone was in on the joke, so the humor was simply lost. Interviewing some redneck and making them fumble is not the same as getting Newt Gingrich to tell at you.

The Dictator showed the final chink in the armor – without the reality element to the piece he is lost. Offensive is funny, but only when counterbalanced with sincerity (i.e. my entire writing career).


Dear Rob:

I was flipping through the tv channels, and SOUL MAN was playing. This “charming” (if one could be charitable) movie had a white man done up in blackface in order to gain a minority scholarship.

Now, one would expect my question to be of personal outrage over such shenanigans, but it was the 80s, and people did way too much cocaine to realize this was just a bad idea. Nay, my question is more profound: who was the chick who was going on about “there is no black or white, just shades of gray?” She was hot.

Great Question Leo,
That hot chick was none other than Jan from the American Office, Melora Hardin. She has been playing whory for the past twenty-five years.

melora hardin soul manAnother Melora fun fact, she was originally cast as Jennifer in Back to the Future when Eric Stoltz was cast as Marty. As soon as they shit can Stolyz and replaced him with Fox though, Melora was too tall. They gave her the option to be amputated at the hip so she and Michael would be the same height, but oddly she refused.

Another another fun fact – they recently did a comic book about this casting kerfuffle that was abso-fucking-terrible. Melora and the original casting director go back in time to see what the movie and their lives would have been like if the casting stayed as originally intended.

On race relations, there is a difference between the races, but it has more to do with ingrained cultural tenants and mores than pigmentation. Honestly, would we ever have Uncle Tom’s if personality was solely dictated by DNA?